What was I thinking?

I hadn't seen Elizabeth in what felt like ages. We both had babies now. And they needed to meet.

We met for lunch a few weeks ago and made up for lost time. I brought her her baby shower gift I had bought forever ago--a baby wrap--And we caught up over tacos.

Our conversation spanned from postnatal yoga, to careers, husbands, and of course our babies. When it was time to go we promised each other we wouldn't go this long without meeting up again, and tentatively planned play dates for the near future. So when I got a text from her about getting together for anti-gravity yoga I knew it just had to involve babies. To be sure, I texted her.

"Let's do it. Sounds awesome, what is it?"

She texted me back saying it's yoga in sling-like hammock things. In my head I read "wraps" and "sling" and was like "woah, yoga with babies, score!"

She signed us up for a month of free classes every Monday at 6:30.

"PM right?" I asked her.

No. AM. Yikes!

When I got home to search for anti-gravity yoga and find out exactly what I had signed myself up for my jaw hit the floor. This is what we were going to do...

There are no babies in this picture. ADULTS in sling-like hammock things. OH!

Normally I don't like to do things on my day off without my daughter but I thought this experience would be good for me to have a bit of alone leisure time, and get a real workout. Plus it would be early and she wouldn't be awake yet.

The night before our class I slept in my yoga clothes and pre-programed my GPS to take me straight there in the morning. The less thinking I'd have to do when my alarm went off at that crazy hour, the better. I had worked until 11 that night, and watched an amazing episode of Big Love, so I was going to sleep late. And I knew I'd be hurting in the morning.

When my alarm went off I texted my friend to make sure she was still going. I didn't want to show up with four complete strangers if she decided to sleep in. She told me she was still game, so I slipped my shoes on and headed out the door.

When I got there the scene was as scary as I imagined. Silk cloth hanging from the ceiling in a small room with hard floors. There were six small hammocks. One for the instructor and one for each of the students.

We introduced ourselves. Four of the five of us were either my friend or a friend of my friend. I was glad she had recruited others to go in case I decided to bail out early, faking an injury.

Our instructor told us if we were pregnant, had high or low blood pressure, we shouldn't do the upside down exercises until we got a doctor's note. None of us were pregnant--or knew it, so we were all in the clear.

"Grab your sheet by the end and swing it back and forth," our instructor told us all. We watched as she wrapped her hands around the end of the sheet and jumped in. Then we each took turns doing it ourselves.

The first few poses involved wrapping the sheet around us and sitting or laying comfortably in the hammock. "This is nice!" I thought to myself. What a relaxing way to spend my morning. We went through the motions of getting used to moving the fabric, and it sliding beneath us, how to grasp it in our arms to move and stretch certain ways.

"Now grab your fabric and place it behind you at your hips," she said. Cool, I had that. "Now trust the fabric, you're going to flip over like this." I watched as she did a Lady Gaga move and once again my jaw dropped. I couldn't hold in my laughter. She wants me to do what? This is me we're talking about. The one who broke the floor during an attempt at chair dancing. I knew if I were to try this my face would wind up in pieces.

I watched as everyone else did it first. They looked graceful and natural. I thought for a moment. Did I really want to attempt this? Why did I sign that waiver saying I wouldn't sue if I died? I contemplated excuses, a bathroom break... Announcing indeed I am pregnant... then I thought how easy it is in postnatal yoga to sit out an exercise because "Oh, baby's gotta eat!"

All of this went through my head in a matter of seconds, when I decided I'd just do it. I closed my eyes, grabbed onto the fabric for dear life and flipped over.

Hanging upside down wasn't comfortable. Our instructor told us to breath and gave us all sorts of directions of things to do with our legs and hands but all I could think of was how my head was sure to explode at any moment... What if blood starts coming out of my ears?... Crap, I've gotta fart... My daughter is so weird for enjoying hanging upside down. And kids like to hang from the monkey bars? Why do they do it?

"Yea yea yea, breath, extend, blah blah blah, can I sit up yet?" I couldn't be the only one so uncomfortable hanging upside down.

After that I knew I could handle any part of this workout. But would you believe it got harder?

We did push ups with our legs extended--feet swinging (not intentionally) in the hammock with our arms on the ground. I realized I don't have any upper body strength when my arms gave way and I face planted into the cement floor. I couldn't help but laugh. I was falling apart. I wanted to say that I had just had a baby eight months ago--The reason for my inadequacy--but my friend had had her baby months after me and she was doing just fine.

I survived the rest of the class by the skin of my teeth. But really, I was just the comedic relief. I couldn't hold my laughter in as I watched everyone balance perfectly on one leg from my wobbly and stumbly point of view.

The woman next to me kept laughing at me too as I nearly grabbed her a few times to break my fall.

When it was finally over we laid straight back in our hammocks for a restoration pose--My favorite part of yoga. I thought to myself if I'd ever come back.

I didn't go a second time today. I'm far too sleep deprived this week, but I'm still registered for next week. Now that I'm mentally prepared for what's coming I may be able to try it again and not be such a whimp. Lawd knows I need some kind of workout to get fit again, and by golly I'm gonna do it. Even if that means impersonating Lady Gaga every now and then.

Here's an example of what we did. I did everything in this video minus a pose or two. NO LIE!

If you're brave enough (or stupid enough--I'm not sure which I am yet) to try it you can look here to see if there's a place near you that offers it! All I can say is good luck!

Shopping Spree: The Best Way to Make Up for Shots

No one likes getting shots. Lord knows I didn't. Heck, I still don't. So when Lil' J had her first round last week I about lost it. Ok, actually I DID lose it. She freaked out too but had forgotten about it a couple minutes later. I on the other hand, couldn't get the memory out of my head. She was laughing and cooing one second, the next she was turning red and screaming her head off. And there I was holding her arms down. I felt like a jerk. I told myself I wouldn't, but I cried too.

I promised her I'd make up for it and I did. Right after the appointment with the mean nurse we went to Old Navy's baby sale and had a little shopping spree. We scored BIG!

Two jean skirts, a pair of pants, a sweater dress, two bohemian-style dresses, a pair of sparkly moccasins, a beautiful long sweater, and a jean jacket that she can wear with it all--All for $117!

At first I had put the pants back cause I thought the total was going to be closer to $200 but when the lady rang me up and the total only came to $107 I went back to get the adorable brown pants (and I think the FIRST pair of pants I've bought for her).

Everything I bought (minus the jacket) was on sale for $5-15!

Sadly, Lil' J slept through all the shopping, but she was happy to take part in a photoshoot when she was feeling herself again. I am so blessed to have this little angel in my life!

She measured 95th percentile for height and 90th for weight so I got almost everything in 6-12 month size so she can wear it longer. The dresses I think she'll be able to wear as shirts even when she's older.

If you ask me, she looks good in everything.

What do you think? Like her fall wardrobe?

Oh, by the way, everyone who comments on this post before Sunday September 19th at 11:59pm is entered to win a $100 gift card to Old Navy. If you're a blog follower/subscriber (or become one) you get an extra entry. Also, go here to get a special coupon for 30-40% off. It's a fast one so good luck!

PS: I just took this video of her in her other bohemian dress. I just had to share! We had too much fun. The whole video coming for Wordless Wednesday!

*Thanks Old Navy, for sponsoring the shopping spree & giveaway*

Bellybars Are Yummy--But Don't Take My Word for It

If you caught my MomTV show then you know how much I love Bellybar. And if you've read my blog for awhile you REALLY know how much I love them. I started eating them before I was trying to get pregnant because of all of the great nutrition in them. If you're trying to conceive it's a good idea to start stocking up on these vitamins before getting pregnant. For one, it takes a few months for your body to get stocked up on the nutrients like folic acid that it needs, and two, having them can HELP you conceive!

My favorite flavor is the Berry Nutty Cravings. It has a great blend of yogurt, nuts and berries. You may remember when I entered the Holly Jolly Belly Contest. I won! And I won a trimester worth of Bellybars, that's two cases of each flavor. I ate up all of the Berry Nutty ones first, now I'm alternating between the rest of them.

One thing I love about them is that they're also quick and easy to grab and go. With my job being so crazy, sometimes it's hard to get a break to eat. I'll put a few of these in my purse and snack on them throughout the day. Don't believe me? Look... I'm eating one as I write this post!

If you're pregnant, thinking of getting pregnant, or breastfeeding you definitely need to check these out!

Hate prenatal vitamins? Yea, sometimes they can by icky. Well eating a Bellybar is a lot like taking a prenatal vitamin because it has lots of folic acid, DHA, protein and iron! All things your baby really needs! Speaking of vitamins, Bellybar is coming out with a NEW prenatal vitamin next month, chewable and allegedly yummy!! I can't wait to try it! I'll for sure let you know about it when I find out more, and we'll have a giveaway here! They're ALSO coming out with a new s'more flavor!! *dies*

We gave away 3 Bellybar prize packs during the show! Bummed you missed it? You can find Bellybar's at Target, Wallgreens, Babies R Us, Whole Foods, Pea in a Pod, Motherhood Maternity, HEB and more! You can also buy them online! For more information or more on how you can try some follow @bellybar on twitter or become their facebook fan.

Want to try them all?! Well you can enter to win a prize pack right here!

THREE winners will each receive a prize pack full of:
-1 bars of each flavor (Baby Needs Chocolate, Berry Nutty Cravings, Mellow Oat and Burstin’ Chocolate)
-1 shakes of Due for Chocolate Bellybar Shakes
-1 pouch of the Citrus on Board bellybar chews

Here's what you do to enter: Visit Bellybar and tell me what product you want to try!

That's all! If you'd like extra entries, comment again if:

- You follow my blog

-Vote for me to win the Tickled Pink bedding on TheRealMomTV
-Comment on one of my posts on The Real Mom TV or Parenting Magazine's blog during the duration of this giveaway(3 entries each!)
-Follow @Bellybar on Twitter
-Follow me on twitter and tweet "Win a yummy @bellybar prize pack on @futuremama's blog #giveaway 3 winners! http://bit.ly/au1hFp" (2Xs per day- tweets must be 6hrs apart)
-Give me a pregnancy tip!
-Comment on non-giveaway related post of mine during the duration of this giveaway (1 entry per comment)
-Become my Facebook Fan

-Become Bellybar's facebook fan
-Add my button to your blog!
-Add my Full Terms of Giveaway button to your blog.
-Post about this giveaway on your blog.
-Email Subscribe to my blog (don't forget to confirm your email!) OR Subscribe to my blog through one of these feeds (let me know which one in comments).
-Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs (per day/computer) (just click the link)
-Vote for Baby Makin(g) Machine as top 50 Mommyblog on Babble (once per day)
-Tell me how you heard about this giveaway (you read my blog regularly, saw it on Twitter, etc.)

This giveaway ends April 4th at 11:59pm.

I'll use random.org to choose a winner. Good luck!

A big thanks to Bellybar for providing the prize to the winners. I was not compensated in any way for this post. Opinions are my own.

Be Nice Prenatal Giveaway

Did you miss my show today? If so, shame shame!! We talked about the importance of drinking LOTS of water while pregnant, and the importance of getting your vitamins.

I've had a few fainting spells myself cause I've been dehydrated and it's been pretty scary. Water can be a little bland but Be Nice Prenatal drink mix is a yummy way to get your water AND your prenatal vitamins.

It's an ALL NATURAL drink mix.

"Each packet of Be Nice contains 25% of the doctor recommended supply of folic acid, vitamins, and minerals, along with DHA. When you take the packets throughout the day, your body can better retain and utilize nutrients, while you and your baby stay hydrated. Be Nice uses life'sDHA, a plant-based DHA that is free from ocean-borne contaminants, mercury and hexane. Be Nice contains all the best for you and your baby."

Cynthia was a guest on my show and once I figure out how to get the replay up I'll post it. I basically shared why I drink it. I've been drinking it since before we were trying to get pregnant to help stock up on my vitamins! So this is great for people who are TTC or soon to be TTC as well as for women who are breastfeeding, and of course, women who are pregnant.

Want to try it? You can request a free sample here. Or order it here on sale for $12.99.

OR you can also WIN some a few different ways! Cynthia gave away a BIG prize during my show and two box prizes. There's still 3 more ways you can win.

To win a box of Be Nice Prenatal with 10 packets (you get to choose the box flavor either Berrylicious or Lemonade) be the 100th person to tweet: "Tweet to win some all natural prenatal vitamin drink mix from @beniceprenatal and @futuremama ReTweet #100 wins!!"

OR... You can win a box by clicking "Like" to my Fan page status update about Be Nice Prenatal. You have until Wednesday night 2/17 to enter that one.

Or, win a BIG prize pack including a box of each flavor, or two boxes of one flavor, PLUS a BPA-free bottle to drink it in! To enter to win that: Leave a comment on this post! That's all!

For extra entries:

-Follow my blog

-NEW: Vote for which stroller I should get on TheRealMomTV

-Comment on one of my posts on The Real Mom TV (2 entries!)

-Follow @BeNicePrenatal on Twitter
-Become a Be Nice Prenatal Facebook Fan
-Follow me on twitter and tweet "I'm trying to win an all natural vitamin drink mix from @BeNicePrenatal! Check it out on @FutureMama's blog. " (2Xs per day)

-Give me a pregnancy tip!
-Comment on non-giveaway related post of mine during the duration of this giveaway (1 entry per comment)
-Become my Facebook Fan
-Add my button to your blog!
-Add my Full Terms of Giveaway button to your blog.
-Post about this giveaway on your blog.
-Email Subscribe to my blog (don't forget to confirm your email!) OR Subscribe to my blog through one of these feeds (let me know which one in comments).
-Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs (per day/computer) (just click the link)
-Vote for Baby Makin(g) Machine as top 50 Mommyblog on Babble (once per day)
-Tell me how you heard about this giveaway (you read my blog regularly, saw it on Twitter, etc.)

You have until Feb 24 11:59pm to enter for this prize! Good luck!

*Opinions expressed in this post are my own. I was not compensated by Be Nice Prenatal for writing this post. I have been given samples for the purpose of conducting the reviews*

My Doula Dilemma

When I think in my head of how in a perfect world, I'd like my labor to go I imagine no pain, my husband and I in a dim room with my OB and nurses, and us anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little Spawnie. My husband and I will be trained in Lamaze, or Hypnobabies/birthing and working together to get out little one out safe and sound. A beautiful experience shared with the two of us. No family in the room, no friends, just us.

I know I'm only 14 weeks pregnant but I figure I'm in my 2nd trimester, and being the "thinking ahead" person that I tend to think I am I'm already starting to think about labor and delivery (heck I've been thinking about it since before I was pregnant. I have a labor fascination). There's a lot of decisions we're trying to budget and plan for now, and I want this to be one of them.

Initially, I was thinking I'd like to try a "natural" unmediated delivery and do whatever it took to empower me to withstand the epidural. I knew if I went through labor this way I'd really want the support of my husband, but additionally, probably a doula who can help with pressure points, and positioning during hard active labor. Doula: Physical and mental supporter before during and after labor to assist the mother and her partner. (They are NOT responsible for delivering your baby.)

I've really heard nothing but good things about doula's. A friend of mine who's mom is no longer living hired a doula got after birth and said it was like having a mom that she didn't have around. Another one of my friends recently had a natural childbirth at a hospital and had two doulas she loved as well as a supportive husband. Reading about her experience was amazing. I told my husband about the experience... How my friend's doula cooked her and her husband omelets during early labor, how she went on walks with her, and helped her and helped her husband help her every step of the way. My husband, while slightly amused, didn't bite.

He had a few arguments I tried to take into consideration: 1. Doulas are for rich people. 2. I want to help, I want to be your doula (or my "dulla oblongata," as he jokes).

The first argument, while I can see his point isn't necessarily true. To him, if we can make it through labor like many of our family and friends have without one, why spend the money? "Having someone you pay there to help is something rich people do." Well... Many doula's I've found in my area don't have rates on their sites because they work with people to set the right price on an individual basis. Most I've found prices for seem to range from the $200-$1500s but I hear some are in the $2000s, depending on location, experience, services, etc. Most of my friends seem to either have a friend and get one for free, or paid about $300-$600. Everyone has said it's worth every penny.

Now, looking at those numbers my husband says no way. He's rather use that money on things for the baby, or classes, books and material we can take together to be prepared for labor. But I heard you can get doula's who are getting certified and need live births to help you for free! I wrote to my local DONA lady to get the list of women in my area who will be certifying over the next year so I can contact them about helping me out. I told my husband this and he was a little hurt that I was so insistent on this. Which brings me to the next point... Him wanting to help.

I've read great articles and posts here and there about doula's helping husbands know how to help their wives, but he really wants to be the primary support. He really hasn't had a strong opinion about too many things in this pregnancy process unless I pry, so having him out and tell me how he really feels about it made me think again. He told me he wants to take classes with me and learn how to help me through it, but he doesn't want someone with us 24/7 and "taking his place." I can even picture him shying away because there's an extra woman there, and not wanting to help as much... If I had other help. I know nurses and OBs come and go, but from my understanding you're alone most of the time until the end, under normal conditions. Then, I thought more about my labor situation and what I wanted out of it.
As usual, I did some more research, and really thought about why I wanted a natural labor... Then thought more about it realized an unmedicated birth not what I want. I am so inspired when I read the birth stories of friends and women who have done it, and I hear so many encouraging words that I too should do it, but it's just not what I want for me. If I tried it it wouldn't be wholeheartedly and with something like that I HAVE to go into it wholeheartedly... Go big or go home. And for me... I'm ending that game a little early. Of course if our training in Lamaze and/or hypnobirthing helps and the pain is tolerable, I won't get an unnecessary epidural, but I'm NOT afraid to get one either. I've read the risks... And I'm willing to take them (don't judge).

So... Then came the question of a doula again. Most often you seem them helping in the case of natural labors. I'm going into it knowing that's not that I want. Most of the doula's I read about are all there to support the woman and her decisions (they aren't medical doctors or midwives and don't deliver babies) but most of the bios I read are tailored towards homebirth, birth centers, or natural births. After finding a few doulas who make it pass your initial paper screening, you're suppose to set up interview and find the perfect match. Looking at my "free list" is a little daunting, looking at my "will charge me" list is intimidating because I don't want to waste my time if we decide not to do it.

Right now I'm thinking two things but I'm leaning towards the second:
1. Interview one or two doula's with my husband. Pre-screen her before couple interview and prep her about my husband's non-eagerness to have one beforehand, make sure she pumps up her services in front of him, and make sure her prices is low enough so hubby is more likely to agree. Also, make sure she's VERY husband friendly and puts a lot of responsibility on him so he doesn't feel replaced. Find a doula I like who is pro-epidural and preferably someone I/we meet in a childbirth class that maybe we're more acquainted with and it's not a "cold call"... Some arranging may need to be done to complete this task.

2. Find Lamaze ($20 and up) and/or Hypnobabies ($150)/ hypnobirthing ($300) classes, courses and materials around here and study up together... Make the next 6.5 months of our pregnancy about preparing for the next best day of our lives and live up the fact that we're doing it "alone." If we crash and burn... I can always say "I told you so" and we'll hire a doula next time.

So, like I said I'm leaning towards #2 but I can still be persuaded. I'm so excited for the day Spawnie arrives and I'd love to have the epidural work right, a dim-lit room, and us hand in hand as I push the baby out of my vajayjay. That's my dream as of now (it's changed a few times) but I also understand things can change any time. I know passionate people who plan elaborate births and have things change... In fact, plans change for a LOT of people. But as of now, this is a blueprint for some of my plans, and I hope to follow through, and end up with a fun birth experience, and most of importantly to me, a healthy little mini-us!

As far as postpardum doula's go, I think we'll be good in that department with our moms and my lactation consultant I get to hire thanks to my awesome insurance!

Now, tell me! Did you have a doula? Why or why not? Was your husband supportive? Why or why not? I know A LOT of doula advocates but I'd love to hear from both sides! And for a quick visual, vote in my poll below!

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Lucky Parazul bag winner Random.org says *drumroll please* #31!

FadHamburger said... 31

I subscribed to your email thingy :).

December 18, 2009 5:19 PM

Choosing Someone to Catch the Baby from My Vajayjay

Try visiting your girlie doctor... Being told your insurance doesn't cover the procedure, arguing with them, and calling the insurance company yourself to find out in in fact DOES. Putting your insurance company on the phone with them, they finally agree, but say that you need to pay your $150 deductible.. And that needs to be paid up front (as if they assume you'll run away after in your attempt to evade the GYN bill monster). Then, you wait... And you're called into a little room. Then you wait, and wait, and wait... And Tweet about the long wait.. And consider pulling the dang cord out yourself... You start to consider leaving.... Getting up to put your clothes on. And as if on cue... A knock at the door.

Your doctor comes in, puts your legs in the stirrups, pulls the goalie, and asks if you need another method of birth control prescribed. You tell her you're thinking of using natural prevention measures for now, and she sort of says somethings like "cool" and is outta there like a fat kid in dodgeball! It all happens before you could say your ABCs and you wonder "WTF?"

This was my last experience at my GYN, and I'm not gonna lie, I felt a little violated. I felt rushed, unimportant, and a little like a cow... Or cattle, whatever--It didn't feel good!

She is an OBGYN, but needless to say, I don't want HER delivering my future baby! So... Now I'm faced with the quest of finding a new "female doctor."

I might as well just find an OBGYN, so I can go to the same person pre-and during pregnancy. But get this.. I'm SUPER picky. Ok not really normally, but I kind of want to be for this.

Have you seen Knocked Up? Not the best movie, but there's a scene where the pregnant lady goes to like 10 different doctors and has them give her 10 different ultrasounds and based on their personality, skills, and connection she chooses the doctor she likes best. That's a little how I imagine myself... But I'd rather get the interviews done early.

I've watched one too many episodes of A Baby Story where the mom-to-be is given a time limit for dilating, then they take her to the operation room to be cut open, just cause "it's taking too long." No thank you!

Nothing against C-sections or whatever, but I definitely don't want one if I don't absolutely NEED one. I mean, although it's not the prettiest sight, I'd much rather just get the thing to come out of my Hooha... But it's not even that, bottom line... I want whats best for me and baby, but without feeling rushed, or pushed into anything. NOTHING against anyone who has c-sections, I just want to try to get baby out of my lady parts first if possible.

How did you choose your doctor? My last GYN was referred by a friend. Although it didn't go well, my family doctor was also referred by a friend and he is WONDERFUL. He took the time to talk to me and my husband, answer all of our questions, joke with us. I didn't feel rushed at all. He did give me some recommendations of OBs, so I'll look into that.

So my question is, how do I choose a new OBGYN?... And/or perhaps a Midwife or Doula? I don't want to wait until I'm pregnant to choose one. I'd like to have one in mind before so I know who to call when I'm like "Hey, I'm pregnant, when can I come in?"

My friend Kayce is a midwife assistant and doula in training and I'm ALWAYS asking her questions about labor, delivery, pregnancy, etc. She has a great post with questions to ask a potential doctor/midwife/doula.

*Added* Can I "interview" a midwife before I'm pregnant, or would that be weird? Don't most OBs have midwives too? Do doula's deliver babies alone? If I do interview an OB or Midwife do I pay a copay, does it count as a "visit" like that, or can I do it over the phone? Do they actually schedule time for those things?**

Anything else you can think to add? What should I watch out for? Be aware of? How did you choose yours? Are there good doctor review websites you like? Feed me!!

Thanks!

PS: My BFN story here.

******
PS: Winner of my JOHNSON'S gift basket giveaway: #39 Mrs. Priss who said: "Glad you're feeling better. I'm a follower" Congrats! email me your address babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com

RAW Prenatals: Garden of Life Giveaway!

It's still Thursday right? Ok good... I'm on a roll with these Thursday giveaways and I hope you're liking them as much as I am! I'm trying to keep them pre-pregnancy and fertility related, so if you here of something cool you'd like to see featured and try to win let me know!

Today I want to share with you some AWESOME prenatal vitamins I got from Garden of Life. I did a post awhile ago about prenatal vitamins and about how I wanted to get some. I ended up buying the $4 kind at the grocery store, and I think they were better than nothing, but after doing some more research I've found that sometimes it's hard for your body to process all of the chemicals and products (and ingredients you can't pronounce) used to make the vitamin.

For instance the ingredients in my old by Spring Valley vitamin: Calcium Carbonate, Cellulose, Ascorbic Acid, Ferrous Fumarate, Corn Starch, and Zinc. Interesting, no?

The main ingredients of my new vitamin: Organic Strawberry, Organic Cherry, Organic Blackberry, Organic Blueberry, Organic Raspberry, Organic Beet Juice, Organic Carrot Juice, Organic Spinach Juice... etc etc. You get the idea right?

Of course the best way to get the vitamins and nutrients you need is to EAT them raw, but let's face it, sometimes that's just not possible... Especially if you're as busy as me! And here's info off of their side about it:

"With Vitamin Code RAW Prenatal, you can rest assured that our vitamins are uncooked, untreated and unadulterated, with no binders or fillers, no soy allergens and always vegan, dairy-free and gluten-free. These factors alone should make Vitamin Code RAW Prenatal your multivitamin of choice. But there’s even more to Vitamin Code RAW Prenatal making it even more valuable. Vitamin Code RAW Prenatal contains clinically studied probiotics that not only enhance the immune systems of mothers, but that of their babies as well. Vitamin Code Prenatal is also a wonderful multivitamin for newly lactating mothers—with the immune support extending to that of the newborn, breast-fed baby."

And if you're as busy as me and trying to get pregnant, or thinking of trying to get pregnant soon, now is a good time to start taking prenatals.

The wonderful people at Garden of Life hooked me up with two kinds of prenatal vitamins which I've been trying. Vitamin Code RAW Prenatal Immune Support for Two ($39.95) and Oceans Mom Prenatal DHA ($17.95). They also hooked my husband up with some Viamin Code RAW for Men, which has great stuff for him!

They have all of the Folic Acid and Vitamin B12 you need... Which is both important for mom and baby. I've heard taking vitamins when you're trying to conceive can help with that as well.. So we'll see if that's the case for me pretty soon!

I've been using them a few weeks now and can honestly say my nails seem like they are growing a little faster... I can tell cause I was mad when I accidentally broke one last week thanks to Snoop. It's not looking that bad anymore! Also... You know how come vitamins give you stomach aches? The Oceans Mom kind is so small it's not hard to swallow at all. The Vitamin Code RAW kind is in capsules that can be opened and poured in a drink or your food.. Though I haven't even had to do that!Don't take my word for it though... Win your own set! They sent me an extra bottle of Vitamin Code RAW and Oceans Mom (Together about $60 worth of vitamins) for one of my lovely readers! So if you want to win just visit their site then leave a comment telling me what other product you think you'd like OR your favorite thing about these prenatal vitamins! And if you follow my blog you get an extra entry (out of curiosity, tell me if you're new too!)!

Want more entries? Leave additional comments if you:
-Subscribe to my blog
-Become a Facebook Fan for my blog
-You favor my blog on Technorati
-Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs (per day/computer) (just click the link)
-You Tweet/ Facebook about this contest (every day you tweet is an extra entry!) Please say: "I just entered this #giveaway on @futuremama's blog for great prenatal vitamins from @growbone http://tinyurl.com/mewqm7 (Please RT)!"
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The Sex Natzi

You know that commercial that goes: "When you're ready to have a baby, nine months is long enough to wait?" Well, they fail to mention 1. That is actually more like 10 months and 2. All the waiting beforehand!

There are a few technicalities I'm trying to work out during the next few months, before turning the Baby Makin' Machine "on" and into full-gear--But in the mean time, I'm planning my strategy--Sketching my blueprints--Setting the table--for when it's All Systems Go.

...You think I'm kidding? I'm planning a little D B Day of my own over here and there's going to be no excuses for not following my rules.

If he only knew what I have in store, he'd sleep with one eye open. I've already got plans for a few pair of underwear that just aint gonna make the cut. That's right-- Any undies that are the slightest bit tight... Gotta go! Can have any tighty-whities hurting the team.

Speaking of the team--Forget saving electricity. It's hot in Texas, and desperate times call for desperate measures... We're not sacrificing the swimmers for a cheaper electric bill.--And you'd better believe I'll turn the hot water off if I have to. Hunni likes to take a hot bath every now and then but that little habit has gotta go too.

Peas? "NO you can't eat that, what are you THINKING?!" ...We hardly eat them, but you'd better believe they're out of our diet for the next--Until I'm pregnant. Take the vitamin hun... I'm already taking one everyday, 'bout time he starts too.

Now's the time I also thank the Lord my hunni's not a biker... Cause I'd hate to make him quit a hobby.

And when my temperature shoots up and it's time to rock and roll...The dog is going to his own room and the house WILL be on lock-down. And I may just have to bust out those newlywed handcuffs again.

It's sad. Because I know if pregnancy just happened... I'd live with it. But knowing that I'm actually going to have to WORK for this makes me nervous. What if I fail? If it takes awhile? I know they say it does for most people but that's just not fair. People who want to, have to wait. And people who don't want to, get it anyway?

What if my Baby Makin' Machine is broken--And this whole time, all these years I just had no idea? Not. Fair. Every single month of failure will be TORTUROUS!

...I know stress can make things harder too... Perhaps that's a good excuse to get a spa massage daily during this process. And should I get one of these?

I promise I will NOT take fertility for granted. I've met my fair share of women struggling and who have struggled and my heart aches for them just reading and hearing about their stories. If I'm faced with the same challenge I worry I won't be as strong.

Having a baby isn't something I've wanted or admitted until very recently. Now it's practically all I can think about. Yea, I go back and forth a little still, but deep down I know there's a looming "yes" underneath all of my doubts.

I'm already tracking and researching... My sweet husband, when it's time to turn the Baby Makin' Machine "ON"... Poor guy's not going to know what hit him.

The False Symptoms

The past few days I haven't had much time to really think about blogging... I mean really, if you couldn't tell, yesterday my post was kind of like "Wahm bam, thank you ma'am" I didn't feel like adding more than my raw journal entry, and that's what we got. To be honest, my eyes were drooping and my head nodding off by the time I hit "publish."

When I woke up this morning I read it over again, praying I didn't have spelling mistakes. I didn't, just a sentence left half-written: "I almost bought a First Response early detection test but."

....Yea, that's how I left it. Oh dear. Yes, I've completed the sentence now in case you want to re-read the post.--I know you were dying to know the rest of that thought.

Oh well, that's how it gets sometimes right?

I'm not going to lie, it has to do with the fact that I can't stay up past 10 lately. In fact, I just woke up from a 3-hour nap. Part of the cause could be because my husband was watching golf--Perfect napping television... Or the fact that our couch is very comfortable... But every day this week?

I know chronic sleepiness is a pregnancy symptom, and I'm not implying that I'm pregnant, but instead wondering if it's possible that when that time comes, these non-symptoms will intensify with the real symptoms.

For example... I get random cravings. I guess it's normal for every woman every now and then to want a taste of chocolate RIGHT NOW...But sending my husband out for a late night run for hot dogs and donuts doesn't sound like the "Average-Jane" situation to me... Or does it? What about oranges and funnel cake? Tacos and chocolate-covered strawberries? Fried chicken and watermelon... (Ok, maybe the last one isn't so weird).

All of these random combinations are things I have craved recently and felt like I must eat it right then! It would be nice to at least have the excuse of pregnancy to want such things at such random times but I don't.--And it only makes me worry my hungers will get weirder and intensify when I am pregnant.

And what about my sleepiness and strange intense dreams? Will getting pregnant automatically throw me into the realms of dreamless narcolepsy?

...Or perhaps I'll get lucky and everything will turn around like the Mad Hatter table in Alice in Wonderland where all reason and logic--Normal things, are backwards--Once I'm pregnant I'll never be sleepy and I'll eat normal things.. Healthy things. Oh how that would be nice.

Did you have crazy cravings before you were even pregnant? Did they go away after you were? How about sleepiness? Am I crazy?

****

The winners of the Baby Shower Gift Set and $15 gift certificate to Oh Baby Boutique giveaway by Josie from Raising Baby Cheap are:
Gift Set: #12: The Royal Family
Gift Certificate: #17 Destiny
Contact me with your info at babymakingmachine (at) gmail (dot) com.
Also don't forget about my tile necklace giveaway that ends Monday night!

The Physicals

I set up appointments to get physicals more than a month ago. I'm not a huge fan of doctor's offices and I consider myself very lucky to have a nurse for a mother-in-law. I usually call her with all of my medical questions, and to make sure I'm not dying.

As a part of this list of things to do 6 months to a year before baby makin' I decided to go ahead and at least do this.

We arrived to our appointments right on time... Not 20-minutes early like the receptionist asked. I liked the way the office building looked. It was small, quaint. Unlike the huge and commercialized offices I had visited previously.

After completing our paperwork the nurse quickly called me back. I motioned for my husband to follow me back but he shook his head. "You can come," I urged just above a whisper. But he wouldn't.

After doing a series of basic blood pressure and pulse tests she instructed me to change into the clinic scrubs. When she left the room I heard her call my husband in and apologize that she didn't ask us to come in together 'yea, that's what I tried to tell him' I thought.

So there we were. Our doctor, and Indian man, was probably the nicest doctor we've ever had. In fact, normally we don't like to go to the people in white coats, but he changed our perception. But what threw me for a loop was when the doctor asked: "So are you two thinking about starting a family?" and after glancing at my husband, I let him reply, he said: "Yea, probably in the next 1 to 2 years." I gave him the 'what?!--No, wait, we'll talk later' look, and as soon as the doctor left the room we did.

"A year to two years?" I asked.
"I didn't mean to say that," he said defensively. "I meant I wanted to have a kid in hand in like a year or two."
"Well no one thinks in those terms," I shot back.

While I went to get blood work done hubs completed his physical, and when I walked in I overheard them completing a conversation about what's safe before or during pregnancy. 'Now we're talking,' I thought.

We decided to take our Tetanus/ Pertussis shots then as to not have to worry about it later when it's baby makin' time. The doctor gave me good advice... Prenatals, calcium pills, constant exercise, yoga and meditation (?), OB referrals... The whole nine yards. I felt a lot better after going through that process-- Actually talking to a professional and getting my questions out in the open.

I got a phone call the other day about our blood test results. My husband's came in a day before mine and I worried something was wrong--What if I was.. you know. Do they test for that?

The woman on the other end of the line with my results paused before she read my results. Blood sugar--Good. Iron levels--Good. Cholesterol level--Good, and she paused before she read my last result... I was at 106 for my "bad cholesterol" level, the doctor likes me to stay around 100. Diet and exercise better and get checked again in 6-12 months if I'm not pregnant.

I let out a sigh of relief, not because I needed an excuse to lay off the french fries, but because she didn't tell me the news I've been dreading--I've been suspicious about. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of my paranoia.

The Removal

I called the doctor's office of where I'm getting my checkup and asked if they did Mirena removals. They didn't, so I called my "female doctor" right away, knowing it normally takes awhile for me to get in for an appointment. Needless to say I was quite surprised when they asked "How does next Tuesday sound?" It sounded... Soon. I was expecting at least a month, not seven days.

The week went by quickly, my mental countdown was ticking all week, but it wasn't until the day before and morning of that I really began to think of excuses. 24 hours, 10 hours, 2 hours... The closer it got to my appointment time the more I thought of canceling--Especially since it was the same day of Oprah's show on "motherhood" which was making me rethink it all. I was moments away, debating my decision on Twitter when I finally got the courage to just go!

The whole way there I watched for signs to turn around, to cancel. I didn't get lost--That was a good sign. I was almost on time-An OK sign. I found a parking spot--Good sign. But when I went upstairs to my doctor's office, and the lady gave me weird looks about my insurance, I knew that wasn't a good sign.

I am blessed with good insurance. It covers 100% of my health care fees so long as I visit a place that's "in network" (which most places are). So when the woman verifying my insurance told me they didn't cover IUD removals, and that I'd have to pay the $300 I figured that was the sign I was waiting for... A sign that I shouldn't go through with it. She told me today I was in luck, if I did it then I'd get 25% off an only have to pay $200 something. What? To pull a string? No thank-you!

I got up to leave but on my way out (in near tears) I decided to call my insurance myself. Why would they pay for the device and insertion but leave me to live with it the rest of my life?

My gut instinct was right--That lady, and whoever she talked to were wrong. The man on the phone told me I'd only have to pay a $30 copay. I kept him on the phone, marched back into the office of snooty people and handed her my phone. After she and him discussed the matter they came to the conclusion that I'd actually have to pay my $150 deductible. And she made it clear that it needed to be paid up front. Who did she think I was and why was she acting like I couldn't pay my bill? What? Whatever. An hour had passed since my appointment time and after going over the cost with my husband I decided if they could get me in right then, I'd do it, if not, I'd wait, and possibly find a new doctor. The woman told me she could get me in right away so I went ahead and proceeded.

My wait time in the waiting room was seconds, that made me happy. But the time I spent waiting in the patient room was ridiculous. I was in a hurry to undress before the doctor arrived but then waited another half hour (no joke) before she even came in... Then she was in and our in less than 2 minutes... And I/my insurance paid $300 for that? I should be a GYNO!

Since my "operation" (I'm going to call it that because of the cost) I've been a little moody. And I think it's a little ironic that just days after getting it out I decide to change my mind. I haven't been able to diagnose myself yet (I'm a hypochondriac so I do that kinda stuff) but I'm thinking it's a combination of a couple of things: 1. Stress. I try not to stress often, but lately I feel like a ticking time bomb. 2. Pregnant friends. How can I swoon over my best friends' bellies and babies if I have my own? and 3. Hormones, I think that's causing my stress, and hyperactive jealousy. Can I blame my hormones for everything? I think I may try.

The Vaccines

Have you entered my Spring giveaway yet? It ends on the 25th! It's my coolest one yet.

The other night I was watching Larry King and they were talking about vaccinations and Autism. Boy was it an interesting show. There are a few things I've noticed will cause a mommy rivalry one of the biggest is the topic of vaccinations.

As far as I know I got all of my shots while I was young. I do remember getting plenty of shots when I was in my youth (not even close to a baby). I'm not sure if they were routine or if my mom waited longer for a particular reason. I've conversed with people who don't vaccinate their children, or don't plan to.

I've read countless blogs and articles and forums encompassing statements like "Don't bring your unvaccinated child around mine!" and on the other hand "Vaccines are dangerous." I have no idea where I'll stand on the subject line when the time comes but I know I want to do a lot of studying beforehand.

I do, however wonder why someone would be worried about their vaccinated child around an unvaccinated one because if their child is "protected" why would it matter if someone else isn't? Isn't that the point of the vaccine?

I don't know what causes Autism and I'm not going to pretend like I've done all of the research to have an opinion one way or another. But I am curious to know your opinions on the matter. Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey seemed VERY passionate about the topic during Larry King, just as others I've met and discussed the topic with.

Have you changed the schedule of your child's vaccinations out of fear or because of things you've read? Are you considering it? Why do or don't you vaccinate? Any good books your recommend on this topic? SO curious about this topic! Sorry I can't lean one way or the other one this-- I'm just learning.

The Plague

Well that's what you'd think he has when he's sick!

When I have a headache, I'm down in the dumps, feeling sick to my stomach, overly tired, I usually keep it to myself. That's not exactly the case with my dear hubby. See... I've never really been a nurturer at heart. Growing up, I wasn't really babied when I was sick. I've only been sick from work once or twice in my entire life. I may think I have deadly diseases but when it comes to showing it I suck it up.

I guess when it comes to being sick we all have our preferences for how we'd like to be treated. I like my space. I'll take a nap and try to sleep it off. My better half... A headache will out him out for the rest of the day and he'll be whining through the entire process.

If his stomach hurts he'll insist he's about to throw up... Go spit in the toilet and say he did. It's actually quite humorous.

It took me a few years to realize it was love and affection he needs during his "sick" moments. Where I would rather pop an aspirin and be done with it, he's rather a more "natural nurturing" approach. I didn't get it at first, in fact I'd get pretty angry. But over time I learned to endure and suffer quietly. I've found I've actually adapted, and I don't really mind babying him and nurturing him back to headache-free health. It's nice because it makes him feel better, he appreciates me more, and I feel better about making him feel better. Funny how that works.

Anyway, I'm glad WE got that problem worked out but I still wonder about my kids. Will my self-diagnosis of disease and his consistent feeling of sickness wear off on our kids? Maybe we should make a deal that we won't talk about being sick or dying around our kids... That way they won't go to class telling their teacher their mom has cancer and their dad has lammonia (ok I totally made up that disease) or brain damage (ok maybe he has a little of that) or whatever!

Are you afraid of random character traits carrying on to your children?

The Vitamins

A lot of you have been saying vitamins are a good idea to find beforehand. I have a friend who told me she took a prenatal pill every day at the same time she took her birth control. I thought that was one of the strangest things I had ever heard. Why in the world would she DO that? Wouldn't one cancel out the other? Well now that I've been thinking more seriously about turning the BMM on, I thought I'd look up a good time to start taking those things.

Naturally, I thought it's a good idea to do it at the same time I get rid of the birth control, but I came across an article that said it's actually a good idea to start taking some things 2-3 months before you start doing the deed for real. So now I'm looking into what kinds of pills/supplement stuff I may want to get when it comes to being that close in time.

It looks like folic acid, and iron are two things that are a big deal to have. It would be nice to find an all-in-one multivitamin that I could take and not really have to worry about what I'm getting and not getting. I know too many multivitamins can be too much so I'd like to just take one. Hopefully this will be another good habit I can form before it's baby makin' time. Right now I have a hard time taking the calcium pills I need (I don't drink milk)!

I went out the other day just to see what was out there and I found these, 100 tablets for $4. You only have to take 1 a day. It has calcium, folic acid, iron, all that good stuff and more. Hubby was shopping with me and I was a little reluctant to put them in the basket. I tried to be discreet but he caught on.

"Are you trying to hide that or something?" he asked.
"No... But the name on the bottle might freak you out a little."

I guess that was his cue to check it out. I waited for the freak out... It didn't come. He only asked if it would cancel out my birth control... "No"... Eer, I hope not. Just in case I don't think I'll take them for a while.

I'm hoping I can find a different multivitamin that's like pre-prenatal, but I'm not sure they make those.

I'm a little paranoid about the side-effects. I hear some people get insomnia, have a hard time getting them down, get nauseas... I don't need people thinking I'm pregnant yet.

Do you ladies have any recommendations for specific supplements you like? Any particular brand or kind you may want one day? I read it's good for hair, nails, and just all around health.

The Drive-Thru

Last night I experienced a situation I KNOW would have been intensified by a million had I had children.

I was tired, and Hubby was hungry. We were both craving some Wendy's. (That may sound weird but we kind of quit fast food a few weeks ago cold turkey and we finally had to give in to our desires.) Anyway... I sent him out to get me a home style chicken wrap with a large fry and fruit punch. About 15 minutes later he comes back with the food. We set it on the table and he goes to divvy it out our food and in the process realizes there are three sandwiches and no wrap. I recognize the disappointed face and pray he's kidding.
"What?" I pried.
"They didn't give us the chicken wrap."
"You're kidding..." It wasn't a question, but a demand. He had to be kidding.. Oh he had better be!
But when he revealed the last of what was in the bag I realized it indeed was NOT my chicken wrap. Not only that... They gave me a MEDIUM fry (and it was super cold and the fies were all soggy) when I wanted large, crisp, hot order! AND a LEMONADE instead of a fruit punch... Oh that was my husband's fault. He thought I said lemonade.

I was fumed. I was craving a chicken wrap NOT a chicken sandwich, no matter how gourmet they make it out to be. My husband kept saying he was sorry. He offered to go back to yell at them but I told him not to... But I didn't stop complaining. I couldn't. I wanted to call and complain, but then I still would be mad the whole time eating that dang thing. I wanted my wrap and some WARM fries.
"I'm just going to go back there," I told him.
"Alright, well tell them I was there a little bit ago..." I tuned out the rest of his response and was already out the door.

I was still mad when I got there. I had a hard time not having the most angry look on my face when I handed the guy at the counter over my bag. I explained what I had ordered a chicken wrap and got a chicken club. He gave me back my original bag and placed my new order. I asked for an additional large order of fries as politely as I could. Trust me, if it weren't for the fear of having my wrap laced with saliva I would have really told him how I really felt.

I left feeling successful, I had my warm, large box of fries along with the chicken wrap I craved... With the chicken club I'd try too for kicks (it actually wasn't that bad). But as I drove away, satisfied, I laughed to myself as I remembered similar situations with my family.

My mom, four kids in the car would try to order for everyone, heaven forbid they screw it up in that situation! After learning our lesson the hard way my mom would just sit in the drive-thru window checking the bags to make sure it was all right BEFORE driving off. Smart woman.

It was a dreadful situation the other night, but at least I wasn't dealing with Happy Meals and not so happy kids.

The Addiction

Since I started this blog I've been trying to be better at being healthy and I made goals here and here. I still can't cook (oh but I did join a freezer meal group that I'll have to tell you about) and I'm on and off on my walk commitment. Eating better is another habit I want to have before I get pregnant. I have a lot of friends who have turned into organic advocates since having kids. I'm not sure I'm with them on everything, I have a lot of research to do (and saving, that stuff is expensive!) but I am starting with small things like Caffeine for example...

Research shows that too much caffeine can reduce your ability to absorb iron, which apparently, you need plenty of for pregnancy, and drinking/eating caffeine increase the risk for stillbirth! Eeek! Lucky for me I don't drink coffee or tea anyway so it's the Dr. Peppers and Rockstar energy drinks I'll need to wean myself off of. Apparently, going cold turkey may cause nasty headaches so I'm taking baby steps. I'm also trying to kick carbonation too. I'm not sure what it does beside make me burp a lot, but I've heard it's not that healthy.

Know of any other pre-pregnancy/ pregnancy eating habits I should know about?

PS: In that picture I'm eating a doughnut, a taquito, a hot dog, and some hot coco. Obviously, I NEED your help!

The Economy is Effecting Baby Makin' Plans Pt2.

If you haven't voted in the poll to the right please do. I'm curious to know what everyone else thinks of this dilemma. I came across this story, in the New York Times and quite frankly was disgusted. Times are tough... Yea, but this is a little disturbing. I think it would be scary going on maternity leave and worried about having a job to come back to... Especially now. But can you imagine not even being able to go on maternity leave, or even worse... Losing your job before then, and not being able to have your company pay for your labor and delivery bills. Yikes!

Could you ever imagine getting this desperate?:

Starla D. Darling, 27, was pregnant when she learned that her insurance coverage was about to end. She rushed to the hospital, took a medication to induce labor and then had an emergency Cesarean section, in the hope that her Blue Cross and Blue Shield plan would pay for the delivery.

I looked at some comments on a Blogher post about this article and found this one to be so heart wrenching:

I am 35 weeks pregnant (and diabetic) and will be losing my job in a couple of weeks, when I finish training my replacement. I work for a very small company who can get around FMLA laws (though I'm not sure about the Civil Rights Commission ones) and so they've just replaced me. When I took the job, I could only find part-time work, so we've relied on my husband's insurance, which is pretty terrible and will most likely end shortly after the baby is born.
I'm young, only 25, but this is the most terrifying thing I've had to go through. Where are we supposed to go for help? What happens if insurance decides not to cover anything? What happens if the baby gets sick? This economy has completely changed my view on life and the dynamics of my marriage ... and there's nothing we can do about it but hold on by the skin of our teeth and hope for something better soon.

Do you think about these things? My company seems to be doing pretty well right now, we've been told layoffs are not in sight but who knows right?

I know money shouldn't matter when it comes to having a child but how about insurance? I have friends who worry about their husbands (the sole income in the house) losing their jobs which in turn usually means losing their insurance. I'd be lying if I said I'm completely ok to have a child with things being the way they are in the economy.

What if our renter decides she doesn't want to rent out house anymore? What if I lose my job? I know you can't live your life in fear but in times like these it's not fear it's being cautious... It's being SMART. I know "if we're doing what's right we'll be blessed... yada yada," and I hate to be so cynical but the truth is: Bad things happen to good people. That's just reality.

Experts are actually saying that they predict less women will get pregnant while the economy is tanking. While it may make sense intuitively, it's slightly depressing. Less cute babies in the world means less happiness!

Am I alone or are there other women out there who worry about these same things? What do you do to keep going and not worry? And for all of the women out there who voted "it's not effecting my plans at all," why not? Do you feel like your/your husband's job is secure? I'd love to know what you're doing to work through this.

The Stripper Stint

As I've said before... I don't particularly like to exercise. I don't find it fun, it's hard and often boring to me. Lately I've discovered Exercise on Demand and it's changing my life! One program it has is "Carmen Electra's Striptease Workouts"! It brought flashbacks of last summer when I decided to become a stripper. I was working in Atlanta, GA for the summer and missing my husband, who was still in Utah. Here's the experience I documented:

***July 17th 2007 at 9:33 PM***

Dear Diary,

I never exercise, I hate it. A gym pass would be worthless to me because I know I’d never go. I hate running, I’m convinced I was born with shin splits, and I can’t run 20 yards without getting a side ache. I've been told it's because of my breathing or because of my shoes but practicing "in through the nose, out through the mouth" and a nice pair of shoes later the aces are still there.

I think workout tapes are pretty cheesy but I know if I could find one that looks fun I’d probably try it. By recommendation I was turned on to Carmen Electra’s “Aerobic Striptease Workout DVD’s” I’m too indecisive to just pick one so I bought the whole box set. I gave my husband a quick call to make sure I had his approval.

“Hey honey, you know how I never exercise?”
“Yea?”
“Well, I found some DVD’s that I think will help me to exercise, I promise I’ll use them.”
“Oh yea?”
“Yea, it’s ‘Carmen Electra’s stripping workout DVD’s”
“Ok, get it!”
“Really? It’s $37 is that ok?”
“Oh yea, that’s fine, go ahead and get it!”

That went easier than I thought.That night I watched the run through of each of the routines at a friend’s house. We both laughed and said we’d try it that weekend.

You know how a lot of times when we say we’re going to do something… And turn over a new leaf we have to go all out? Like, when men say they’re going to fix up the yard so they go out and buy a new lawn mower and all new lawn equipment? Or when they say they’re going to repair something and they go and by a whole new tool set to do it? Well, the same concept goes here. I had to get a stripper pole.

The next day I began researching stripper poles. I found they ran between $85 and $300. I looked into the $85 one. I called the husband again and convinced him I HAD to have a pole to get really get into this exercise thing. “Perfect” I thought. It comes apart into three pieces (easy to transport back to Utah), and I can buy it at a Spencer’s store here and practice on it.

Despite the mixed reviews saying it’s a great party feature, while not very stable I took my chances. At the check out line I was very adamant about making sure I could return the item if it didn’t work how I wanted it to. “

No problem, so long as all of the pieces are inside the box.”Great, I took it home (to another friends house) and temporarily installed it.

“Dangit,” I screamed. “It only goes up to 8 feet six inches. How tall is your ceiling?” I demanded. “Nine feet,” my friend told me. I immediately got on the phone and called my husband.
“How tall are our bedroom ceilings?”
“???…I don’t know.”
“Well, what’s your guess?” I pressed.
“....Ummm…”
“Think it’s 9 feet?”
“Oh, no, it’s not that tall”
“Are you sure?”
“Yea”
"Ok thanks.”

I moved the pole to a lower ceiling in my friend’s apartment… the hallway was a good testing height. I extended it to meet the ceiling, tightened it and made sure it was straight. Once I was satisfied I decided to take it for a spin. I put my leg around the pole and… SMMMMMMAAASH down it comes… I tried it again and got the same result. So back in the box my pole went.

I immediately began searching for another pole. $50 on Craigslist, a tall black stripper pole that’s “suction mounted." She's selling it because her ceilings are too tall... Good reason, it makes me feel a little better knowing it hasn't been through too much already (or so I hope).

I email her and get a response the next day. I’ve decided to return the Peekabo Pole to Spencer’s the next day.

***The next day***

I’m next in line at Spencer’s when another employee comes up to me with a 'what are you doing here' look on her face.

“Can I help you?” She asks me.
“Yea, I just want to return this.”
“You can’t return that it’s an adult item....”

I’m going to spare you this whole conversation but basically, my normal timid/non-confrontational self would have walked away and started crying but this time I went off. I was not about to loose $85 for a piece of crap... Besides, what am I going to do with TWO stripper poles?

Long story short, I was able to return the item for a full refund… On a Spencer’s gift card (never use your debit car at Spencer’s cause they won’t give you cash back unless you ring it up as credit.) I sold the card on eBay for $75. I could take loosing $10, no biggie.

Meanwhile, I have this other Long-A stripper pole I bought from a lady in Atlanta sticking out from the trunk of my car through to the drivers seat. I bring it inside to experiment but I soon find my ceilings are too short. The woman I bought it from said it was 7 feet tall. I took in into the carport (no... not a garage, so all of the neighbors were watching me install my stripper pole in my driveway) and extend it to the ceiling there. I get it to stay and I tug a little. I wasn’t totally satisfied. I went into the house and grabbed a bar stool. I came back out, stood up on the stool and leaped for the pole… Imitating what a fireman (not stripper) would do. It was still standing!! I know the people across the street had to have been wondering what the heck I was doing but I didn't care. I am so happy at this point. I lean the pole up against my bedroom wall for a few weeks and finally one weekend I get ready to mail it home.

I go to USPS and ask if they have any 7 feet tall boxes.—They don’t. And they can’t mail anything that tall either, so I go to the UPS store. The guy at the counter was already in a bad mood… I could tell when I walked in, no smile, no “how are you?” just a grumpy “I’ll be with you in a moment.” I proceed to ask him if he has any boxes 7 feet tall.

“No, but I can make one,” he said. “What are you mailing?”
“A pole.”
“How big is it?”I hold out my hangs in a circle, trying to demonstrate its circumference.“I can go get it for you,” I told him.

He just kind of nodded, but I went out and got it. I brought it in and he stared at me like I was crazy.

“What is this, some kind of pole to hold a truck up?” He asked me.
“No... It's just a pole” I was reluctant to tell him the truth.

He asks me how valuable it is (I guess it's some shipping question). I tell him $50, and he gives me a weird look. He measures the pole and it comes to 110 inches. I have no clue how tall that is.
“Eight feet five inches,” he tells me.

'Seven feet my A' was my first thought... The girl who sold me the pole was just trying to get rid of it!'Ok, cool, mail it!' I’m thinking. But he doesn’t look too happy. I tell him I still want it mailed and he takes it back to the back to make me a special box.

“I’m curious as hell to know what this is and why it’s not very valuable." It wasn't a direct question so I ignored it, hoping he'd drop it."What is this?” He finally just asked.

Poor guy, I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of terrorist so I confessed.

“Well, my husband lives in Utah...” I’m trying to think of a way to put it. “And… Well… It’s a stripper pole, and he didn’t want to drive home with it so I’m mailing it.”
“Oh.” Is all I get from him.
“So now you’ve seen it all huh?” I ask.
“Oh no, I’ve seen a lot weirder.” I was hoping he’d give me an example to make me feel better but he didn’t.

So there went another $70 for shipping ($30 for actual shipping and $35 for making my a custom box).

***Later that week***

I’m “exercising” I’m learning a chair dance Carmen promises will get my husband off the couch and in the bedroom. It’s about 2 o’clock in the morning. I live in a duplex and I’m trying to keep really quiet so I don’t wake up the guy next door.

So Carmen is telling me to sit on the chair then lean back and put my feet in the air and toggle them back and forth... It's hard to explain... But anyway, I have one of my hands on the ground to keep my balance (and that's what she's doing too). Now she’s telling me to make sure I keep my butt centered on the chair so I don’t loose my balance and fall over. Now I’m thinking ‘how am I going to loose my balance when my hand is on the floor?’ Well, I don’t understand physics, and I hate it anyway, and no sooner than that question came to my mind, next thing I know WHHHHHAAAAAAM!!

It’s the loudest noise I’ve ever heard, and I’m on the ground, chair and all on top of me. I could have sworn my butt broke through the hard wood floor cause I hit it so hard. My immediate reaction was silence—I was praying my neighbor didn’t hear. I was imagining hearing him getting up and yelling to me, asking what happened, and I really didn’t want to explain to him that I had just lost my balance and fell off my chair while I was practicing a lap dance routine.

I sat there for a few moments in silence (well, besides the sound of Carmen, she was still going) then I started to laugh. I turned the DVD off… I was done for the night.

**Now**

As I read this right now for the first time since I posted it last year I laugh at my dedication. Just like the unfinished handy projects and resolutions husbands and wives make to take better care of things around the house... I fell through with my determination to be my husband's stripper. But who knows, it's 2009. Perhaps I'll add it to my list of resolutions.