What you should never say to your wife (Unless you wanna die)...

Men, don't say this to your wife. Especially when she's 6 months postpartum.

"Honey--" as you grab the blubber left on her belly. Her sweet baby 'phat' "--Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

And after your wife gives you a look that could kill you, please, don't tempt her to do the real thing by backpedaling off a cliff--

"I mean, maybe just a couple of months?"

Now my question... Who's going to bail me out of jail?

My Doula Dilemma

When I think in my head of how in a perfect world, I'd like my labor to go I imagine no pain, my husband and I in a dim room with my OB and nurses, and us anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little Spawnie. My husband and I will be trained in Lamaze, or Hypnobabies/birthing and working together to get out little one out safe and sound. A beautiful experience shared with the two of us. No family in the room, no friends, just us.

I know I'm only 14 weeks pregnant but I figure I'm in my 2nd trimester, and being the "thinking ahead" person that I tend to think I am I'm already starting to think about labor and delivery (heck I've been thinking about it since before I was pregnant. I have a labor fascination). There's a lot of decisions we're trying to budget and plan for now, and I want this to be one of them.

Initially, I was thinking I'd like to try a "natural" unmediated delivery and do whatever it took to empower me to withstand the epidural. I knew if I went through labor this way I'd really want the support of my husband, but additionally, probably a doula who can help with pressure points, and positioning during hard active labor. Doula: Physical and mental supporter before during and after labor to assist the mother and her partner. (They are NOT responsible for delivering your baby.)

I've really heard nothing but good things about doula's. A friend of mine who's mom is no longer living hired a doula got after birth and said it was like having a mom that she didn't have around. Another one of my friends recently had a natural childbirth at a hospital and had two doulas she loved as well as a supportive husband. Reading about her experience was amazing. I told my husband about the experience... How my friend's doula cooked her and her husband omelets during early labor, how she went on walks with her, and helped her and helped her husband help her every step of the way. My husband, while slightly amused, didn't bite.

He had a few arguments I tried to take into consideration: 1. Doulas are for rich people. 2. I want to help, I want to be your doula (or my "dulla oblongata," as he jokes).

The first argument, while I can see his point isn't necessarily true. To him, if we can make it through labor like many of our family and friends have without one, why spend the money? "Having someone you pay there to help is something rich people do." Well... Many doula's I've found in my area don't have rates on their sites because they work with people to set the right price on an individual basis. Most I've found prices for seem to range from the $200-$1500s but I hear some are in the $2000s, depending on location, experience, services, etc. Most of my friends seem to either have a friend and get one for free, or paid about $300-$600. Everyone has said it's worth every penny.

Now, looking at those numbers my husband says no way. He's rather use that money on things for the baby, or classes, books and material we can take together to be prepared for labor. But I heard you can get doula's who are getting certified and need live births to help you for free! I wrote to my local DONA lady to get the list of women in my area who will be certifying over the next year so I can contact them about helping me out. I told my husband this and he was a little hurt that I was so insistent on this. Which brings me to the next point... Him wanting to help.

I've read great articles and posts here and there about doula's helping husbands know how to help their wives, but he really wants to be the primary support. He really hasn't had a strong opinion about too many things in this pregnancy process unless I pry, so having him out and tell me how he really feels about it made me think again. He told me he wants to take classes with me and learn how to help me through it, but he doesn't want someone with us 24/7 and "taking his place." I can even picture him shying away because there's an extra woman there, and not wanting to help as much... If I had other help. I know nurses and OBs come and go, but from my understanding you're alone most of the time until the end, under normal conditions. Then, I thought more about my labor situation and what I wanted out of it.
As usual, I did some more research, and really thought about why I wanted a natural labor... Then thought more about it realized an unmedicated birth not what I want. I am so inspired when I read the birth stories of friends and women who have done it, and I hear so many encouraging words that I too should do it, but it's just not what I want for me. If I tried it it wouldn't be wholeheartedly and with something like that I HAVE to go into it wholeheartedly... Go big or go home. And for me... I'm ending that game a little early. Of course if our training in Lamaze and/or hypnobirthing helps and the pain is tolerable, I won't get an unnecessary epidural, but I'm NOT afraid to get one either. I've read the risks... And I'm willing to take them (don't judge).

So... Then came the question of a doula again. Most often you seem them helping in the case of natural labors. I'm going into it knowing that's not that I want. Most of the doula's I read about are all there to support the woman and her decisions (they aren't medical doctors or midwives and don't deliver babies) but most of the bios I read are tailored towards homebirth, birth centers, or natural births. After finding a few doulas who make it pass your initial paper screening, you're suppose to set up interview and find the perfect match. Looking at my "free list" is a little daunting, looking at my "will charge me" list is intimidating because I don't want to waste my time if we decide not to do it.

Right now I'm thinking two things but I'm leaning towards the second:
1. Interview one or two doula's with my husband. Pre-screen her before couple interview and prep her about my husband's non-eagerness to have one beforehand, make sure she pumps up her services in front of him, and make sure her prices is low enough so hubby is more likely to agree. Also, make sure she's VERY husband friendly and puts a lot of responsibility on him so he doesn't feel replaced. Find a doula I like who is pro-epidural and preferably someone I/we meet in a childbirth class that maybe we're more acquainted with and it's not a "cold call"... Some arranging may need to be done to complete this task.

2. Find Lamaze ($20 and up) and/or Hypnobabies ($150)/ hypnobirthing ($300) classes, courses and materials around here and study up together... Make the next 6.5 months of our pregnancy about preparing for the next best day of our lives and live up the fact that we're doing it "alone." If we crash and burn... I can always say "I told you so" and we'll hire a doula next time.

So, like I said I'm leaning towards #2 but I can still be persuaded. I'm so excited for the day Spawnie arrives and I'd love to have the epidural work right, a dim-lit room, and us hand in hand as I push the baby out of my vajayjay. That's my dream as of now (it's changed a few times) but I also understand things can change any time. I know passionate people who plan elaborate births and have things change... In fact, plans change for a LOT of people. But as of now, this is a blueprint for some of my plans, and I hope to follow through, and end up with a fun birth experience, and most of importantly to me, a healthy little mini-us!

As far as postpardum doula's go, I think we'll be good in that department with our moms and my lactation consultant I get to hire thanks to my awesome insurance!

Now, tell me! Did you have a doula? Why or why not? Was your husband supportive? Why or why not? I know A LOT of doula advocates but I'd love to hear from both sides! And for a quick visual, vote in my poll below!

****

Lucky Parazul bag winner Random.org says *drumroll please* #31!

FadHamburger said... 31

I subscribed to your email thingy :).

December 18, 2009 5:19 PM

5 Years Down, an Eternity to Go

Exactly five and a half years ago I met the love of my life. I didn't know it then, but he was my future husband.

-June 2004: First date, and first time we met. I thought he was a hottie but had big eyes and was a little shy.

-2 dates later: First kiss, he's not so shy after all, I can't believe I let him kiss me.

-A week after that: We said "I love you."

-A couple days following: We talked about marriage planned it to be 2 years from then.

-Two months later: He goes away to college 3 and a half hours away. We are sad, but see eachother every weekend.

-A month later: We realized long distance SUCKS and decide to move up the wedding to that year.

-October 2004: We get engaged.

-December 2004: We're married exactly 6 months from the day we met.

Things I remember about my wedding day

I remember waking up at an absurd hour because we had to be at the temple about 5 hours early

I remember being tired from staying up late writing in my journal the night before.

I remember taking a shower and thinking I'd better get extra clean.

I remember wondering what our wedding ceremony would be like.

I remember NOT wanting to drive my car up to Salt Lake cause I had just been in an accident and the hood was bent.

I remember seeing my soon-to-be husband right before we walked in our sealing room and thinking "I love you."

I remember not saying "Yes/I do" when I was suppose to, and people thinking I was bailing out.

I remember shaking a little as we exchanged rings.

I remember being so happy walking hand and hand outside of the temple right after we were sealed, and thinking my husband was the most gorgeous man on Earth.

I remember snow on the ground and people shivering, but it was the one day I didn't complain about the cold, I wanted good pictures.

I remember driving back from the temple and thinking "wow, we're married"

I remember my dad being the first person to use the term "your husband" and being weirded out.

I remember downing about three cans of redbull before and during our reception to stay awake.

I remember wondering why we had to stand in a line.

I remember my wedding day being the best day to date, and the first day of the rest of my life.

Like we planned, 5 years later we're expecting our first baby, which is due to be born exactly six years (and two days) from the day we met. Boy we've come a long way!

Since getting married

-We went on a cruise to Mexico for our honeymoon.

-We were poor, our dining-room set was a cardboard box and two camping fold-out chairs we got as a wedding present.

-We arranged our schedules so we took four classes together.

-We got a new (to us) Kitchen set from my husband's grandparents.

-We moved 7 times

-We cleaned toilets together as early morning (4am) custodians and fought over the iPod.

-We bought our first home.

-We spent two summers apart for work.

-We adopted Snoop.

-We moved again.

-We went on a cruise to the Caribbean.

-We started, switched and started new careers.

-We created Spawnie.

-We stayed madly in love with each other.

He's been the most supportive, most forgiving, most loving husband in the world. He's my best friend, a great husband, and he's going to be a wonderful daddy.

I love you baby, and can't wait to see what the next 5(,000,000) years hold!

The Way to Convince Your Husband

First, I must explain the reason for my absence, as it technically is the longest I've gone without posting new material besides when I was on my cruise. It's kind of funny actually. Remember this post. Well, I had my feed publishing to my Facebook page and hubby decided to read it. He liked the post... Well, most of it, but he was a little worried about what my reaction might be to some of the comments with the underlying tone of "Who cares what your husband thinks... Have a baby!"

Now, I'm not sure how he thought I was going to carry this advice out... Trickery, hypnotism, rape--I assured him none of those were my intentions and that I'd want him to be just as excited as I am through the whole process (or else).

Regardless, the conversation left a bad taste in my mouth and I couldn't work up the energy to think of anything worth posting without fearing his reaction if he happened to read again. Great... now his reading is effecting my posting! I hate the feeling of having to censor my blog. I really try to do my best to keep things in my perspective, and keep his opinions and views out of it. Ok, so occasionally I go off on a rant, it happens. And at least I'm finding comfort from other people who are/have experienced the same thing.

I considered making my blog private for awhile, to subscribers, but I think the limit is 100.. A bittersweet blessing?

I guess he's mostly worried about people we know reading my blog... I can understand that, except 99% of people who read my blog don't really know me, and I'm not one who really cares what people think of me if they do. BUT I know a few of his family members read this blog. So if you're in my husband's family and reading this can you do me a favor and pretend like you don't? I mean, you can comment here or what not, but don't ask me about it at the family reunion ok?... At least not in front of the hubs.

The discussion that started this all was husbands... Do it with 'em, or without 'em? One of my friends asked a similar question: "One common consensus on here, though, seems to be not to wait for your husband to be ready?? I am just a little bit curious about it...I don't know why it caught me so off guard, but I definitely don't want to get pregnant if my husband isn't as ecstatic as me to be on this journey. Maybe these are too high of expectations... Just curious :) "

Becky, I'm with ya. I hope my husband is as excited as I am when it's time to try to have a baby, and I'm not planning on tricking it out of him (which I'm not saying they're suggesting) however, since I'm already going to Hell, I decided I'd write up a plan... My demise... And a every woman's guide to getting your hubby to get you pregnant... And what I would do if it was necessary to convince my husband to get on the bandwagon.

(And after reading a few comments and realizing some people took this seriously, let me just make a little disclaimer that this is totally a joke!) :)

First, make sure this is what you want, because once you convince him, if you change your mind, it could take a lot more than this to get him to believe you again. If a baby--Poop, spit, snot and all is really what you want, proceed to step 2.
2. Babysit together... But don't accept offers from people with bad, annoying, or loud kids. That'll scare him away. The ideal situation would be to babysit a baby who sleeps a lot, and when it's not sleeping, it's laughing and cooing at you. Then tell him that's how good your kids will be. (PS: pictured is my husband holding the very well behaved baby we now babysit twice a week.)
3. Get a dog, or some sort of pet, let him fall in love with it then say you're allergic and give it away. It's sad, but there's tough love in the game of love and war... And in that time of mourning is the perfect time to say "well, maybe a dog just wasn't the right move for us, and it's time for a real child."
4. Watch sports with your husband. Get all into it and tell him how fun it'll be when your little boys are old enough to play sports... Shoot, they aren't even conceived, better get going!
5. When moments present themselves, and you spot a cute family you think you'll resemble, or a kid's outfit he could see his child wearing, point it out to him. Don't over-do it, just nudge him and peer in the direction of the bait. He'll get the hint. WARNING: Don't do this too often or it could get annoying.
6. When he notices a cute family or comments about his dreams for children on his own, stay calm. Don't freak out, your over-excitement may just scare him out of the thought. Keep your cool and when the timing is right, tell him how you'd love that too.
7. Get all dolled up for him, let him have the remote, make him a nice dinner, and give him the night of his life. At the end of a long tiring but wonderful night when you're about to go to sleep, tell him how fun it will be when you're trying for a baby, and how it will be that much fun every night.
8. At church, let him catch you staring at little kids. Don't stare too long, or you'll look like a stalker, just long enough and with the nicest smile so that he knows, whether he likes it or not, that's what you want more than anything.
9. Hire outside enforcements. A couple he would look up to, but is in a worse situation than you financially. Make friends with them, then let them drop the bomb on you guys and tell you they're pregnant and share how excited they are with you. It may not work the first time, but after about the 3rd or 4th couple it's sure to strike a chord. This especially works with best friend couples with good babies, so you may have to invest some time and research.
10.Turn he tables. Halt everything you've been doing, and all of the positive vibes toward kids. Tell him you change your mind, you're not sure when you want to have kids and that maybe you two should wait awhile. He'll wonder why your mind has changed and it'll bring the idea of kids to the front of his mind. Then he'll always be the one bringing up the topic. That's when you POUNCE! Catch him while he's down and jump on his team, agree with him and he'll think the whole idea was his!

Got any others?

And FYI, if I don't post for a few days after this, send a search crew. My husband found it and I am dead.

The Mind Games & Thoughts of My First Child

It's funny how the truth comes out when the tables have turned. After my post from a few days ago I've been thinking more and more about why I'm feeling this way and what I'm wanting to accomplish now, and trying to lay everything out on the table.

As I poured bits of my heart into my New Feelings post, I couldn't keep my feelings to myself/my blog. I told my husband I wanted to wait awhile before we try to have a baby and boy was I surprised at his reaction.

"Why?" he asked confused. And he asked a question I've been getting quite a bit this week since I posted the topic: "What about your blog?" I didn't realize I had so many real-life fans! Especially not my husband. But I told him like I've told everyone... This is about my journey; And a journey has a lot of twits and turns right?

I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog... If he does he's been pretty nice about not yelling at me for some of the things I've written. Anyway--I even told him about my drought.. My loss for topics because of the way I'm feeling about our future-first-kid right now and he gave me a couple of ideas. Can you believe it? Now not only is he trying to keep my blog alive he's giving me topics to write about! Oh, and it doesn't stop there... Since "the talk" he's been telling me about his dreams of us walking with a stroller, trips as a family, oh it's just not stopping. I'm not sure if it's reverse psychology (that wasn't my intention), the "cause I say so" mentality, or "now the truth comes out." Regardless, I'm not falling for it, nor am I amused it at the moment... (ok, maybe it's a little cute).

But speaking of our first child... A little while ago I wrote a letter to our first baby...I was thinking about him/her and wrote The first letter. And it was published today on My Brown Baby. You can read it here. I'd love to know what you think. I'm also entering this post into the Scribbit Write Away Contest for April. Wish me luck! I'll consider that my "real post" for today since this is a bunch of random randoms.

PS: Have you entered my newest Giveaway yet?

The Bad Joke

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I'd heard of other women pulling similar pranks and I decided to give it a try. I was out with my friends and had a brilliant plan. I called my husband, told him I wasn't feeling well... I hadn't been for awhile. Told him I wasn't sure if my IUD was still in the right position and wasn't sure when I last had my period... Could I be pregnant? He told me I should get a test on the way home and we'd find out that night... Little did he know that's exactly what I wanted him to say.

I had a plan.. A friend of a friends had recently found out she was pregnant. Apparently she didn't believe first because it took not one, but about 5 positive results for it to sink in. Lucky for me she had some extra positive results test lying around so she gave one to me.

I got home, and although it was late, Boo still wanted me to take the test that night. "It works better in the morning" I told him, but he didn't care.

I went in the bathroom, stared in the mirror and practiced my best serious/scared/happy face I could put on... No laughing allowed.

When I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom I put all of my best acting skills into this one moment. I didn't say anything at first... I decided letting him make the first move would be the best idea.

"So?" he asked simply. I told him the results were positive and he didn't believe me. "Is this an April fools joke?" he asked. I showed him the test with two lines and the key below which plainly stated two lines = pregnant.

The shocked look on his face was priceless. But it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. To be honest I was expecting panic, maybe even anger, but he didn't show any of that. He looked almost happy... Almost.

I initially thought I'd keep the joke going through the next day... Make him sleep on it. But his reaction made me feel bad.

"How do you feel?" he asked me. I told him I didn't know and he told me he was a little scared. BINGO!

That joke was played two years ago and we can kind of laugh at it now. Looking back I know he was ready to make the commitment then because then to him it was a reality facing him. I broke the good/bad news and he was pretty ticked--Understandably. I told him I was planning to keep the joke going through the next day but he told me he was glad I didn't because he would have wanted to tell his whole family the news.

I swore I wouldn't tell him I was pregnant again until I know I am for sure.

The Break

If you've been reading about my dilemma here and then the conversations here then you know what I mean when I say I've had a lot on my mind. I've come to terms with the fact that everything will work out. I think I want to address two ideas that were brought up in the comments section and wrap up my whiny rants and pull my husband out from under the bus.

First, on not using birth control, but not trying... Hubs is definitely not down for that... And while I wouldn't see it as actively "trying" I still would say it kind of is.. I mean, yea. I never really got that myself, when my friends would say they weren't on birth control but weren't trying for a baby. I guess it depends on the way you feel... If you don't care if you get pregnant either way, maybe it's not really a feeling of "trying" for a baby, but if you're disappointed when you get your visit from aunt flow, maybe deep down you are... Just a thought.

As for my mentioning of my invisible window of opportunity... I'm not talking about my age. I know I'm young, and technically should be able to make babies for quite some time. To be honest, it use to confuse and kind of upset me when young women would tell me they wanted to start trying ASAP because something may happen and they won't be able to later on. I didn't get why they would say something so--So, negative sounding. I'm not sure if it's a religious, cultural belief, or a wives tale that's been passed on, I have no idea what it is, and I don't think anyone can until they feel it themselves.

I don't feel like if I don't have a child NOW I may not ever be able to, but I do feel like now is the right time, but my strong impression of that feeling is diminishing and I'm not sure if it's because maybe it's not the time, or because the time is coming and going... This time. --Did all of that jibber jabber make sense? Basically, I know my feelings for wanting a child right now are beyond myself and my own feelings, I know that this time, it's much more than baby hunger or an urge.

Anyway, I'm not really trying to bring it up anymore, we'll come together on it eventually... The last thing I want to do us push him into something he really doesn't want and he resent me/our child for it. I couldn't really see that happening but ya never know! If one of us has to be miserable and depressed I'd rather it be me than him anyway. I may still get my IUD taken out soon though, a compromise we're debating (letting the hormones wear off while using a non-hormonal form of BC). We have a doctor's appointment next month, we'll see how that goes. Oh and I will mention that after dropping the subject, he has already brought up the conversation TWICE today. He says he really wants to have a child right now too but doesn't feel like it would be a responsible thing to do because we're not "financially" able. After just hearing him out I've decided to let it go for now. I still feel the way I do but I feel like he'll come around on his own if we're suppose to.

On a side note...I went to the dentist today and he said I have some work to get done... 13 cavities!! WHATEVER! Ok, no joke.. I think he's trying to rip me off. I went to the dentist 9 months ago and was told I had great teeth, no cavities! Oh, and I've only had 1 cavity in my entire life! Now all of a sudden I have 13? Not buying it! I'm going to get a second opinion... If I can figure out how that works. Either way I've gotta get that done beforehand right?

The Talk Again

Alright, I didn't think I could go back to my scheduled topics without updating my real current problem at hand... Ok, problem may be a little harsh, it feels that way but to be PC I'll call it my dilemma.

You may have remembered "The Talk" from before... Well we have a lot of those lately. They basically all go the same way:
"Baby?"
"Not now"
"Why not?" (tears)
"Cause my school, job... blah blah blah"
(more tears)
"Ok well maybe sooner rather than later"
"When?"
"I dunno"
"In two months?"
"Sure" (under the condition that he gets so far in school and gets a part-time job, which in this economy isn't easy)

We actually had this exact conversation TWICE yesterday and when we got as far as:
"Baby?"
"No"
(TEARS)
He just started laughing at me and asked "Didn't we just have this conversation?"

And it's kind of the same cycle every month right now. I'm kind of just trying to keep my cool, and send our resumes for him in secret.

I did get so ticked that I applied to be an egg donor. 'If I'm not having my kids someone might as well' was my thinking process. And I'd get $7,000. I filled out all the forms but held the stamp after reading that in rare cases something will go wrong, my ovary will swell, nearly burst and possibly need to be removed. I was still in a state of belligerence, and completed the online portion of it anyway, but I decided to hold off on sending the mailed forms. The fact that my husband HATES the idea doesn't help any. It actually makes me want to do it more.

I know I'm not talking typing rationally, but it's ok... I know I'm just a little upset, and when this all blows over I'll come to my senses.

It's just that I can't help but feel like my invisible window of opportunity is closing. I have no way of knowing that it just feels that way. I hope I'm wrong, and that when we both feel right about it we'll actually BE able to produce spawn. Oh we'd better be... Cause Lawd knows if it takes a year or two I will not be a happy wife... No Siree, not after waiting five years.

Then again I kind of blame myself. Why in the world did I get an IUD? I did this on purpose. When I got it at 20 years old I thought 'I won't want to start trying until I'm at least 25' stick it in me! Who knew three years later I'd be plotting away to get it out. I can't help but feel like it would be SO much easier if I didn't have to plan a whole ordeal to get it out. It's a lot easier to stop taking a pack of pills.

Oh... Someone asked me how I got it since I didn't have any kids... I don't think it's a requirement, just a doctor preference, I've had my checked a bunch and it's still in there just fine :)

Anyway, I'm about to go to the dentist, one of my before baby makin' must do's. So while my husband is lollygagging around, and getting his shiz together to feel "ready" to make a baby, I'm one by one, crossing of things on my baby bucket list... And hopefully, sometime this year, we'll meet on the same page.

The Quest

Life is a quest. A never-ending journey to learn priorities and find happiness. This whole blog has been my quest toward motherhood... What also sometimes seems like a never-ending journey. Just when I think I've got a timeline down a wrench is thrown in the plans. I didn't think it would come to this but I'm about to throw my dear husband under the bus.

Yes, I've been one to go back and forth with my own desires for when I want to have kids but he's for the most part been consistent... With a consistent "no" that is. "Not now." "Not yet." When we first got married we said 5 years would be our goal, we're on our fifth year now and it's still not feeling like a reality. Ok.. so we have until December to make up our minds but really... Is a few months going to make THAT much of a difference?!

Nothing makes me more jealous than being at church and seeing all of the happy families. I really didn't know I was capable of such mixed emotions. Nothing makes my mood swing faster than seeing young families at church. They use to just be normal to me, almost seem annoyingly perfect sometimes, but now I just get insanely jealous. Not because they seem "happy" because I think we're as happy as any normal couple-- we have our good days and our bad days--But because the husbands seem so happy, so proud to be a husband, a dad, and seeing them look at their children with those adoring eyes makes me want to cry, and punch my husband. Ok, not really... But kind of. I also get so jealous when my friends tell me how their husbands are begging them for babies... Oh how I would trade them in a second!

I can't help but think "Why can't you be more like that?" I know it's so wrong to ask, and I'd never ask him like that, but I wonder. It makes me think I'm not doing something right, but I don't know what else to do. I am working, enjoying my job, am done with school (for now) I feel ready to grow our family, and it's hard for me to understand why he's not.

We both have our lists of things we'd like to do before we have kids, but his is a little more ambiguous. It's always evolving and changing, and growing. Just when I think we've got a goal of a timeline in place we somehow end right back at square one... As if we'd never talked about having kids before. Trying to pin down a timeline is like trying to hit a moving target... And every so often I just feel like saying "forget it!" and then going and getting my tubes tied out of spite.

Maybe it's because I'm not giving him a chance to achieve his goals... Maybe I'm just being selfish.

I know the thought of being a parent is scary to him... Who is it not scary for? I just don't know what to do to ease him into the idea more. I've tried encouraging, hinting, showing him cute baby pictures, asking him to pray about it, begging and even backing off completely.

I understand nothing in life comes easy, and it takes two to tango, but damn, this is pissing me off!