Cloth Diapers are Friggin' Hilarious

I was getting Lil' J dressed for bed after a bath,  and stuffing one of her Fuzzibunz pocket diapers. We have a handful of those for night time.

As I pushed a cloth insert through the middle of the diaper I heard her giggle. I looked down at her smiling but I didn't know what was so funny. I continued stuffing the diaper with a second cloth insert and realized what was making her laugh. My hand stuck inside the diaper made it look like it had a life of it's own and she apparently thought that was hilarious.

Now the diaper tickles her each night after her bath before bed... Well, on the nights mommy puts her to bed. It never fails to get her going. I recently captured it on video.

It's not possible for me to watch this and not laugh myself.

Make Me Babies Had it SO Wrong!

I decided to take a trip down memory lane and re-read some of my old posts. That's when I happened upon this one. I was newly pregnant and curious what out unborn child would look like. Unfortunately, MakeMeBabies.com's suggested outcomes game me nightmares.

It made me laugh a little, how wrong it was. Ok, so my baby is A LOT lighter than I pictured, but she looks nothing like this...

Or this

or this

ok she does look a little like this

But nothing like THIS

THANK GOODNESS!

Instead she came out much cuter. Well, depending on the time of day you catch her.

Look at your baby.

Now back at mine.

Now back to yours.

Now back to mine.

She's an alien. Sadly, yours isn't. But maybe she could be if you hung around radioactive buildings.

Now look down.

Back up.

Back down.

Where are you? You're visiting my blog. And my baby is a cyclops.

What's in your hand?

Now back to me.

Back down.

I have TWINS!
 

Look again.

They're a Siamese twins.

Anything's possible when you combine imagination, boredom and a baby's nap time.

We're a ying yang.

Wordless Wednesday: Are You Kidding Me TSA?

Our sixth flight in seven weeks and they made us do this as we went through security...

So what exactly are babies hiding in their shoes these days?

At least they let her keep her diaper on.

Hair Removal Before The BIG DAY!

I have yet to go to Brazil but I have had "a taste of Brazil" if you know what I mean (wink wink nudge nudge).

DISCLAIMER: Let's start with saying if you are ulrta-conservative, a member of my family or get bashful when you hear the words "Brazilian Wax" let's save both of us the embarrassment, reading this post probably isn't for you. I'm not a very private person. And I figured I'd give some words of wisdom for my lady friends who may be curious about the same thing.

If you've read my blog awhile and you're familiar with my post "To Brazil and Back" this will be very similar, but now, knowing that my lady parts will soon become a spectacle to many different people I have a different perspective on all of these techniques so I'm adding my "Preggo Commentary"

After watching some very graphic Youtube videos (why do I do this to myself, I don't know) and some even more graphic in my Lamaze class, I'm a little nervous, and I'm wondering what I can do to be a little less uneasy about that idea.

Besides my OB, and before that, my yearly visit to the GYNO no strange person gets to see my whooha. I'll admit, now that I'm pregnant, how things appear "down there" is one of the last things on my mind but as I get closer to D-Day that's starting to change.

We'll start with the problem: Hair. Sometimes ya just don't wait it in certain areas...
I've tried many different tactics to rid myself of the blasted stuff. Remember my birth control post? Well this is going to be a similar but a little less elaborate, oh and maybe more graphic.

I started to consider lazier hair removal but once I heard it was painful and that it's harder on people with dark skin, I put that idea on hold. Here are my other previous-pre-pregnancy attempts.

Shaving
/5

Pre- Pregnancy: If you're going to try it this way I only suggest you get a mirror, doing the balancing act in front of the bathroom mirror just won't cut it. Plus, you could get hurt! Trust me, slipping and sliding with a razor blade in your hand aimed at very important bodily organs is NOT a good idea.

The results: Nice for about a day then ya feel like a porcupine. A few days later... a porcupine with an itch. I give it /5 stars cause it can be worse.

Preggo: It's a totally different story when you've got a 7-month belly blocking your view of the mirror and everything else... I kind of chalk this up to being too dangerous to try.

Nair/Veet Stuff
.5 /5

Pre-pregnancy: I should have known this wasn't the best idea from the beginning. After spending 20 minutes down the hair removal isle trying to decide whether to get the sensitive skin or bikini.. Finally choosing some kind of sensitive (with aloe vera) I did everything wrong.

... The label says something like 3 minutes. To make sure it worked REALLY well I decided to add another 5--First bad idea.

...The label says to avoid certain sensitive areas and I tried but I just wanted it ALL gone so I gave into my internal temptations and just put it all over--Second bad idea.

...I waited another couple of minuets before really trying to take it all off (tripling the directed time), then got the water really hot-- Third and Fourth bad idea.

...I closed my legs--The WORST idea.

I knew something was wrong when I felt the burning. 'Jump in the tub' was my first though but the water was so hot I didn't know which was burning me more.

Let's just say the next 5-10 minuets of trying to get the stuff off was some of the worst pain I've ever experienced. Every swipe felt like I was peeling my skin off with an acidic rake.

Ladies, I know we're told to keep our legs closed but this is one instance you DON'T want to do it. Or better yet... don't put the stuff there!

I get it .5 stars /5 if you follow the directions.

Preggo: I'm not sure if it's even safe to use while pregnant since you're using all of those chemicals, plus the spell is UGH... it just can't be good. Plus, with my mistakes last time I'd be worried Id' screw up and Spawnie would come out bald.

Smooth Away (as seen on TV)
/5

If you've seen the infomercials for Smooth Away, don't be fooled! They show women softly caressing their legs, zoom in and show a silky smooth leg free from hair. They give you smaller pads to use in "the bikini" area. After trying it on my legs and realizing instead of turning my leg nice, shiny, and smooth it was just smooth and ashy. It also wasn't an easy "wipe on wipe off" motion it was more like "push down real hard and get a workout while trying to wipe the hair away." I seriously can skip an arm workout at the gym after smoothing my legs away. After testing on my legs I realized it doesn't get the hair as close as shaving does, and it makes the area you use it on real tender... I opted not to try it on my goodies.
/5 stars /5 stars for the workout you get while trying.

Preggo: Still not willing to try on my goodies, though I'm sure I should build up some pain tolerance before labor, I'm not sure I want to do it with that.

Waxing
/5

Pre-Pregnancy: Ok here we go, here's where it gets good. I had always been curious about getting a Brazilian wax. The fact that I have the lowest pain tolerance imaginable kept me from trying it for years. Two things made me brave enough to do it. 1. I found to one of my ultra conservative friends gets one regularly. Waaa? 'If SHE can do it, I can do it,' I thought. 2. It came up in a conversation with one of my girlfriends who had also never had a Brazilian and we decided to take the leap together! We sort of worked as each other's coach.

In preparation I did a lot of research. I came across a story about one woman taking a bite stick in with her. I wanted to do that--Anything that would help. I heard of No Scream Cream but not until after the fact. So I drugged up on ibuprofen and hoped for the best.

Having a friend with me gave me motivation to try not to scream... Or at least not first.

I had never had anything besides my eyebrows waxed before so I had no idea the surprise I was in for. Everyone I'd asked about it said it hurt a lot but said it was worth it. All I kept thinking was 'it had better be!'

The torturer esthetician was nice. She tried to make good conversation but really, all I wanted to do was focus on not screaming.
"Does anyone ever cry?" I asked her.
"Oh no, if you cried I'd feel really bad."

Great... Pressure.
"Well, I've never had anything waxed before. Nothing besides my eyebrows," I told her, hoping to get some sympathy-Permission to cry if need be.

I told her I almost brought a bite stick and she offered me a towel. Great! I'll take it. I shoved the towel in my mouth and braced myself for the unimaginable pain I knew would soon be bestowed upon me.

Now, I'm not sure why they do this but the scenario would go something like this:
"So what are you studying?" She'd ask me, probably trying to lighten the mood, although I was in no mood for talking. Besides, I had the towel in my mouth, remember?

I'd take the towel out, and begin to answer...
"Broadcast..... JOOOOOOOOUUUUURNALISM!!!!" Right as the first, and worst strip of hair was ripped away. Why did she do that? Couldn't she have at least waited for me to put the towel back in my mouth?

I could feel the tears start to form. I felt betrayed.

"Oh yea?" She'd say, and she's ask a series of follow up questions I'd try to answer as quickly as possible as not to be fooled again.

The whole process took about an hour... Yea, an hour of: Question, Ans-RIIIIP!!! wer!!!

I wasn't alone though, my friend said it wasn't easy for her either. After it all I felt accomplished, brave, and like I had achieved a new level of womanhood. I told them all it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but really... It was.

The good news: A month later it was still nice and silky smooth. I looked like a plucked chicken the first couple of days but after the tenderness went away I was LOVIN it! I felt lighter, nicer, cleaner and just better!

I went for a second round but nearly a year later (I tested out those other products in between) and decided/learned it's best to NOT shave between those. Good news though--It only took 15 minutes the last time! I went to a much better salon known for their 15-minute Brazilians.

In the end I recommend finding a GOOD salon for those. Do your research and don't pick some place just cause it's cheap. Take a bite stick or ask for a towel to keep from screaming and prepared to be tricked into answering questions right as they pull the trigger.

Preggo: I really don't know any other way that I can get rid of the stuff unless I have help. I mean, I can't see my TOES for heaven's sakes, much less my lady parts. I'll be dealing with some SERIOUS pain when baby girl is on her way out so maybe I should build up the tolerance now. You know... Like boot camp before the war.

It's a different kind of pain though, that's for sure, and while you're pregnant you're EXTRA sensitive in that area so I'm sure it will only hurt more... Way more. I may even cry. So I'm not sure if it's worth it. I'm also not sure if I'll want a mirror during labor now.

**Additional info for those who have asked**

A Brazilian way takes away ALL the hair I mean Everythang girl! A Playboy takes away everything but what they call a "landing strip" (don't ask me why they call it that) but I guess they leave a little section (which you can actually get designed like a heart or something if you're interested). And yea, you pretty much get totally naked. The first time I went they gave me wannabe panties and moved them from side to side and the second time the lady was like "You might as well take everything off cause I'm gonna see it all anyway." But hey, if you can deliver a baby you can do this, trust me!!

I give Brazilians a /5 because let's face it... It hurts. And the trickery, that's not cool.

For the ladies who have given birth before I'm sure a Brazillian wax would be like NOTHING, but maybe it's not really that big of a deal how ya look "down there." I mean, doctors have seen everything right?

Preggo Brain: My Excuse to be Stupid

There have been many times throughout my pregnancy where I've done something incredibly dumb and chalked it up to this thing I heard about called "preggo brain." Your body is working so hard to create life that it sometimes stops fueling the thinking part of yours.

I've stressed over losing things that I actually was just holding in my other hand, written down the wrong addresses, had numerous misspellings, failed to solve simple math addition without a calculator, forgotten my own name. It's pretty normal these days for me to do something stupid on a daily basis. But what I did yesterday pretty much takes the cake.

That morning I hit the snooze button at least five times on my phone. My back was hurting the night before and I didn't sleep very well. I was completely exhausted and didn't want to get out of bed. By the time I did get up I was running late for work and needed to hurry and get ready.

It was Wednesday, which meant I'd be working on a story about foster kids, and featuring them to help them get adopted. That means I don't have to get all dressed up in business attire like I normally do. I can slip on a pair of jeans, a casual maternity top and go.

In a hurry I run downstairs, where my shoes are, slip them on, grab my purse and kiss my husband goodbye.

By the time I get to work it's right on time for me to be able to print our directions to where we're doing the filming, and hook up with my photographer. I say hi to a few people but I'm pretty much in and out of the building.

The first shoot we were doing was at a boxing club. Once we got there my photographer realized he forgot the memory card to record the story on, so he dropped me off to meet with the people inside, while he drove back to the station to get what we needed.

I walk in and introduce myself to the hosts as well as the 13-year-old foster child. I told them we forgot our disk and that it would be another few minutes but we could just hang out and chat in the meantime. There's about five different adults there. Some of them volunteer at the boxing club, a couple were the boy's foster parents, and one of the ladies was a woman I work with for coordinating the kids we interview.

We're all getting friendly, and since there were chairs up against the wall I figure it would be a good idea if we sat down and talked since it was going to be a little while.

As I look down to make sure I don't fall while I sit (my balance is a little off) I notice something incredibly wrong, something I should have noticed an hour ago, something someone should have noticed long before I noticed, and someone probably did notice but was too confused or embarrassed to tell me. I notice this:(actual photo from the scene)

Yes, I'm wearing miss-matching shoes. This is WAY worse than accidentally slipping on a navy blue with a black sock, or even two black shoes that are different styles. Not only am I wearing shoes that are two different colors, they're COMPLETELY different styles. I silently wondered how in the world I didn't feel the difference sooner, given that one of my feet was half exposed, and the other was covered by a loafer.

I immediately tuck my enormous size-11 feet under my chair and pray no one notices. But I don't have a desk job where I can hide my feet until the clock strikes five. There was no way no one was going to notice. I needed to do something.

I debated taking my shoes off. Sometimes that's appropriate, depending on the shoot... But this was not the case. Being a gym, it would not only probably look just as awkward as my miss-matching shoes, but I'd probably contract some sort of foot disease in the process.

I knew I had to be up front.

I thought of ways to admit my mistake. I debated making up an excuse like: "I hurt my foot and this is the only combination of shoes that I can wear."

Or: "It's miss-match shoe day at work."

But I knew I wouldn't be able to play it off and that it would just be best if I came out and was honest about my dumb mistake.

"Want to hear a funny story?" I asked, breaking the ice. I went through my story of being in a hurry to get ready for work, and ended with the punchline. I brought my feet out from under the chair.

Everyone about died laughing. I laughed too, but I was still incredibly embarrassed, especially when one of the ladies pulled out her camera to take pictures and I realized that from now on when they see me on TV they'd remember me as "the newslady who wore the wrong shoes."

To my credit, it was dark when I slipped the shoes on my feet, the heels were the same height, so I wasn't walking lopsided, and I did have this obstructing my view:But most of all, I have the excuse of pregnancy, and the dreaded disease that comes with it called "Preggo Brain."(After filming that story I did have a chance to go home and change my shoes before the next shoot, and before more humiliation. I am able to laugh about it now.)
***Check out this blog hop

So, I'm Kinda a Sore Loser

I'm always amazed when I watch the Academy Awards. The glitz and glamor is quite impressive. Never is there so much hype over who's wearing what and who's arriving with who. But that's not the part that impresses me the most. What takes the cake for me is the composure the losers keep on their faces just as they realize they didn't win.

It usually goes something like this:
Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Anne Hatheway and Julia Roberts are nominated for Best Actress. ...(I know this has never been an actual match up but just try to follow me).

The video plays snippets of each of them in their starring roles, then cuts back to a five shot of them just before they announce the winner. All of them staring with painted smiles as the host opens the envelope... And reads the name printed inside... JULIA ROBERTS! And everyone claps. And they keep the cameras rolling on the 1st 2nd 3rd and 4th place losers because... Well, because it's heartless, and we're all waiting for one of them to crack. But that you won't see... Because they're actors. That's what they DO.

Now me on the other hand... I couldn't act if you paid me. I was in a play once after taking acting classes in the fourth grade. When it was time for me to recite my lines I froze, and perspired. My parents asked themselves why they decided to shell out money for these classes. AND SCENE... That was the end of my acting career.

But it's not just on stage that I can't pull off a different character. I can't lie with a straight face, I suck at poker... Or a slightly more childish version of the game which I prefer... Old Maid. You can read my face like a billboard.

So when it comes to my emotions... Disappointment to be more specific, I'm not good at it. I broke out in hysterics after I didn't make the 8th grade dance team. Tears. Wailing. Snot... The whole nine yards. So needless to say if I was up for an Oscar and my loser face was planted on the big screen a split second after my heart being ripped out, it wouldn't be a pretty sight. I'd probably step on the gown of the chick who beat me as she's walking to collect her award. Or maybe I'd pull a Kanye, stand up and tell her I'mma let her finish but I really was the best actress of the year.

I can play the scenarios in my mind all night long but it doesn't really matter cause I'll never be up for best actress... Or an acting award of any sort. But if I was, and I lost, I'd probably be a sore loser. Sadly that's how I am. I like to win.

And I say all of this to tell you that I'm trying to win a photo contest this week. It's for the best Holly Jolly Belly Photo. I don't have as much of a belly as some of the entrants even though I ate as many cheeseburgers as I could before this photo. But even though Spawnie isn't as big as some of the competition yet... Quite honestly I think mine is one of the cutest ones in the bunch, and after all of the torture I put my husband through in helping me capture this photo I will be pretty ticked off sad if I don't win.

What am I up for you ask? Well... if I win I get a trimester worth of bellybars for one thing, but the BIGGEST thing I REALLY REALLY want to win is the AVENT Twin Electric Breast Pump. Yes... a breast pump. I never thought I'd be dying to win one of these but I guess that's just goes to show how grown up I'm becoming... Or that I'm really excited to see what being milked like a cow feels like. Either way, I'm in it to win it and I'd REALLY appreciate your help! And guess what? My birthday is Thursday, the last day of the contest. So consider a vote your birthday present to me! Because really... I'd hate to spend the evening of my birthday doing something like this:Except picture a beautiful Macbook Pro, sadly destroyed by my hysteria, and me behind the camera... Tears. Wailing. Snot. Luckily I'd be in the privacy of my own home--No big screen to display my horrid reaction. But my husband and dog would fall victim to my violence.

Please don't let that happen to me them! Go to Bellybar's Facebook Page and vote for this adorable photo. Your kindness would be greatly appreciated! Oh, and I just saw you can vote for more than one, so while you're there also vote for Gena Morris. She has an adorable picture with bells around her tummy!Oh, and if you're feeling extra kind and want to give me a second birthday present, give me a "thumbs up" for Best Mommy Blogger here.

UPDATE: THE POLL IS OPEN NOW... VOTE HERE. You can vote once PER DAY!!

I Don't Know Why I Do This to Myself

It started about a year or so ago when I found a website called Make Me Babies. A friend of mine had used it to see what her soon-to-be baby would look like. Hers didn't come out looking particularly cute according to the website but ya know... We all can't get lucky with cute kids.
So I decided to take a stab at it myself. I'm no supermodel or anything but I like to think my husband and I aren't BAD looking, and I married him thinking we'd probably make cute babies. So imagine my surprise when the face generator produced THIS as our child:While funny, at the same time it wasn't. How could my baby come out white, with stringy hair and lopsided cheeks? I won't go on with my opinion of this face cause I have a feeling someone out there may have a baby that looks exactly like this. In my opinion it just didn't fit with US. So I retired my desire to know what software generators thought our future baby may look like... Until today. And I'm not gonna lie, I went a little crazy.

First, it produced this child. My husband did have red hair as a baby... A fear I have passing down to our child. I've seen some CUTE biracial read heads, but if it looked like this, I may cry.

So I didn't give up. I had to try again, and not only that, but see if we could produce a non-white baby. No such luck.The lower one sorta looks like a son of the Adam's Family Chester guy, YIKES! Then I gave up with letting the site decide my child's complexion and I told it to make my baby "dark" so it gave me this:Notice how I keep changing our pictures hoping we'll get lucky? And where are they getting the big forehead from? Be honest... Is mine that big? Cause I was seeing a trend.And just before I decided to give it up entirely... Realizing I was 0-7 (and knowing there's NO WAY we're having even close to 7 kids), I decided to give it one... Ok, TWO more tries before giving it up.
Slightly better, but I hope my kids are cuter. I'm going to be honest here... I would like a baby girl but really all I want is 1. A healthy baby and 2. A cute baby. Boy or girl, if Spawnie is cute (not just to me, but like to everyone) I'll be happy!

What do you think? Does Spawnie have a chance at being cute?If you go to the site and make one let me know! Post the link in the comments, I'm wondering if it's possible to produce a good-looking baby on this site.

PS: Sunday is my Blogiversary! I almost forgot! Yay! Happy 1 year blogging!