Annoying Things You Hear at the End of Pregnancy

I just have to take a few moments to vent about a few sayings I keep hearing.

When you're trying to conceive the #1 comment you'll hear from people is "just relax and it'll happen." You know people mean well but it's annoying anyway. It's like no matter how many times you say you are relaxing people assume you're just not relaxing enough. I saw a slogan from a TTC veteran I love: "We relaxed, it didn't work."

Just because you vocalize your frustrations with your situation, or perhaps just thinking about it, doesn't mean you don't believe in the concept of relaxing or "letting it happen."

When I bribe or threaten my baby to come out it doesn't mean I don't believe she won't come out when she's ready... I know she will, but that doesn't mean I won't try to make her ready, or that perhaps she is ready. She has a brain, working lungs, a great heart, cute face, adorable nose... I'm sure she doesn't MIND being fashionably late for the sake of putting on a few extra pounds and lots of locks. This is my daughter we're talking about.

Another thing... This whole theory that everyone just HAS to tell me like it's hush-hush I haven't heard before. A guy at work told me today in the elevator. A dozen people told me on twitter. A few others private-messaged me the tip. It's whispered to me like it's in a book of labor inducing secrets that only the privileged get to hear. What's the big hoopla?: Sex to induce labor.

First of all, a horny man must have decided to publicize this idea because how else is he going to be getting action this late in the game other than from a woman so desperate to get the baby out?

Yea yea, prostaglandins, oxitocin, blah blah blah... Can I get some of that in pill form?

Well, I fell for it anyway, and I won't get into it cause lawd knows my grandma probably reads this blog, but let's just day we've seen more action in the last 9 days than in the entire 9 months. ... It didn't work. I'm sure the man who made this up would just tell me to "have more sex." The woman who swears it worked for her would tell me "well your baby has to be ready," and to that I say if that's the case eating a bowl of ice cream when she's finally "ready" will make her come out, why go through all that work?

Finally... People keep telling me to enjoy my sleep. I understand this advice, especially coming from a tired new mom who can't remember what it's like to get eight full hours of sleep. I know I won't be getting much sleep soon, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep 15 hours a night instead of my usual 9. This ain't At&T--I can't roll over my extra hours of sleep for when I have the baby, as much as I'd love to, it's not possible.

I compare it to eating at a buffet. You eat as much as you can, and are so full you just can't stand the thought of making one last plate. Even if that means skipping that chocolate cake you were eyeballing earlier. You leave satisfied, and happy about your decision to skip the dessert.

Well, the next day you skip breakfast and are starving by lunch, all you can think about is that piece of cake you passed on, and are wishing you had eaten it-- when in fact, eating it the night before may have caused you to barf.

So I PROMISE you, I am enjoying my sleep, don't you worry. But I did want this baby who will keep me up many a nights, but you know what, I hear it's worth it.

I'm SO ready to meet her. Now if only she were ready...

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Winner of the Maternitique $50 gift certificate: #2 The Leonard Family. Congrats! I'll email you and you'll have 48 hours to respond!

"STOP STRESSING" <-- This Stresses Me Out

I'M BACK!!

Wow! What a month! The fundraiser was a big success! I'm not sure if I'll do another of that magnitude, but I'm happy that one went well. We raised over $1100 for March of Dimes... In ONE MONTH! If you donated and are wondering if you won something look here for the list of winners.

Ok, enough of that! Not to belittle it, it's just that if I type that out one more time I may go crazy!

For those of you who disappeared for a month and are maybe wondering if you missed some kind of big announcement I may have delivered... You didn't. Don't worry.

While I was "away", I wrote in my journal a lot, and I Twittered a lot. Some of which I'll share with you later.

I had a lot of time to think about this whole "stress thing" that people always talk about. I'm not sure what's more stressful to me... Actually thinking about the reproduction process and how it works, or having people tell me NOT to think about it, forget about it, and "stop stressing about it."

I KNOW everyone is well meaning, I really do. But at what point will people believe that I'M NOT STRESSING?

Really, cause I'd tell you if I was. No really... I would.

Conversations (on Twitter, cause I don't have conversations like this in real life) have started to go like this:
Twitter friend: "How are you doing? How's baby makin'?"
Me: "Oh good. I'll know in a couple of weeks."
Twitter friend: "Well don't think about it!"

Convo #2:
Twitter friend 2: "Do you know if you're pregnant yet?"
Me: "No, I actually don't even know what DPO I'm on."
Twitter friend 2: "DPO? Don't talk like that... Don't think about TTC!"

Convo #3:
Me: "Question: What kind of early pregnancy symptoms did you notice?"
Twitter friends 3-23: "@FutureMama: Why are you asking that! Stop stressing about it, it will happen!!!"

I'm a curious person, and I am interested in the topics of birth, pregnancy, and achieving that. So I tend to write about it a lot, ask questions about it... It doesn't mean it's because I'm stressing about every little thing TTC... It just means I'm asking a question, curious about your opinions!

I think I get more stressed out trying to convince people I'm not stressing out than with the actual stress of the process.

I mean it would be one thing if I was like crying and stressing about it all of the time, but really, I think other things stress me out more than this! Sure... This is one of the most important things in my life right now, but knowing that stress in a hindrance, don't you think I'd try to take it easy?

Again, I know people are just trying to be nice, but if you know someone who is TTC here's a tip... Don't tell them to relax, it'll probably just be annoying! Or is it just me?

Speaking of eliminating stress, today is the last day you can vote for me as Best Fertility Blog! I'm so excited to have been nominated and if I win I have a chance to win $1000... Good for future baby right?! The other main contender and I keep going back and forth and has a great blog too so visit her too (but vote for me! haha)

*****

PS: Sorry I didn't add this earlier!! The winners of the cutest "baby" contest:

Boy: #1

Girl: #23

Winners email your address to babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com so I can get you your prizes!

But please know I Loved each and every one of your babies!! They were all so beautiful and I CAN'T WAIT to have one of my own!!

Things They Don't Tell You Pt2.

Thanks to The Oprah Show and you as well as a lot of my Twitter friends my list has grown so much I've made a second list of "The Things They Don't Tell You". These things aren't meant to scare me, or any other Future Mamas out there who are thinking of having kids, yet beware... They may. My commentary is in color.

Hemroids- Pregnancy can give them to ya. I wasn't exactly sure what they were but I googled it and ew.

You'll get use to feeling your boob on the side of your stomach... I'm not looking forward to loosing the perkiness :(

Little boys get woodies too-- Saw this one on Oprah... TMI if you ask me.

Lice is hard to get to go away.--I'm not sure I'll have to deal with this one cause I've never had lice and I hear black people don't get it. I hope that's the case for half-black kids too!

I'll hate my husband for knocking me up-- This one I also saw on Oprah, it's believable, but I REALLY hope we can make it an enjoyable experience for all of us.

I may not like my baby right away-- This is a sad one for me. But I guess it's good to know that may happen. But I love everyone elses baby so I can't imagine not liking my own!

A woman on Oprah said she felt like she had made a bad mistake-- Once again, possible, however I'm thinking I'll not let myself feel that way (I try to live life without regret).

Pump, or explode

You loose your choices- This is another complain from a mom on Oprah. I suppose if you go into motherhood expecting things to be easy and the same as before plus having a child on your hip you're going to have a rude awakening. I'm not afraid to make sacrifices and giving up "me time" when the time is right.

Some women say you "loose yourself"-- but I'm assuming that's a problem you run into if you don't already know yourself. I don't think it's "Loosing yourself" but gaining another part of yourself...But I'm not a mom so what do I know?

It's "Freaking’ hard work"- (no commentary needed)

Days where I would hate my kids-- If my kids are anything like some of the kids I see screaming and acting wild out at the store I guess I can believe this, however I don't like to use the work "hate."

You can be constantly constipated while pregnant?! --Waaah?

...And going with that : Milk of magnesia will help you poop (thanks for the tip)

The term "Letdown" is exactly what it says.

Labor stinks... LITERALLY... eew.

Your period is gone for your entire period but then you have it for like a MONTH after the baby is born... Boo!

You can have contractions weeks before you're really in labor... Good to know now so I don't freak out too bad if that happens to me!

And what freaked me out the most and came as the biggest surprise to me: In labor doctors have to cut that piece of skin between where the baby is coming out and your butt hole to keep it from tearing.... OUCH!

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And I'm always excited to learn more, so let me know if I've left anything out! Anything you wish you had known before getting pregnant/ becoming a parent?

The Pregnancy Pushers

I've had my somewhat against the grain attitude toward motherhood for years now. I'd say about two years into my marriage is when it really hit its peak. Since then I've calmed down and begun to somewhat understand WHY people want to have kids.

One summer... It was actually just for about a month, I worked at a credit union. Most of the women there talked daily about wanting to have kids. We were all married, and I seemed to be the only one who thought everyone else had lost their minds! 'We're young... Practically babies ourselves, why in the world do you want to have kids now?' I'd think... And sometimes say.

There was one guy I worked with too. His wife had just had a baby. I was excited for them, not as excited as I would be for a friend nowadays, but still excited. I would ask him a lot of questions about parenting and how he liked it an such. He would tell me how great it was and joke with me and tell me I should have a child too. Lawd, on no he didn't! I'd have to stop that talk right on the spot. I knew I wasn't about to jump on THAT bandwagon yet. Both of us being a little sarcastic and pushing each others buttons got a little on each other's nerves. But I'll never forget one thing he said to me that I thought was so crazy... so mean, and just sounded WRONG:

"I HOPE you get pregnant," he spat at me.
"Why would you say something like that?" was the only response I could muster. I didn't know if I should retaliate, be angry, or scared with the way he said it.
"It's a good thing," he said. "It's not a bad thing to wish that for you." Oh yea? Well why did you say it like you were trying to put some kind of Voodoo Witch Curse on me?

Jenna said it best:
"There's a glaring difference between offering helpful advice and smugly saying, "Oh, you just wait...bwahahahahaha!" That's just mean-spirited and makes people sound bitter about their lives."

I think a similar example could be taken in my approach to marriage. When a friend of mine is contemplating marriage, or dreaming of how great it will be, I may say it's not all fun and games but I'm not going to say "Actually marriage is really really hard, just you wait and see... Most people get divorced, hopefully you're not one of them."

Or if someone is thinking of getting a puppy, thinking it'll cure their baby fever as I did, (and a few months later I fell immune)... I'm not going to say "Dogs are hard, just you wait... Oh, and I hope he PEES ALL OVER YOU!"

Ummm... That doesn't make it sound like I love my dog.

Ok different, yes, but really... Warning calls, maybe not the best idea to make someone want to join the parenting club.

No offense to them or anything but I hope I don't sound like that when I have kids.

Also, I know it's natural to be curious on when someone's wanting to have kids, but not everyone is as open and honest as me. Everyone is different and some people just don't want everyone all up in their business... As my friend Tara says "Stay out of my uterus!"

...But not you guys, you are welcome in my uterus at anytime! Just be careful who and how you tell people to "watch out," or you may scare them out of wanting kids... Ever.